The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Something I discovered over the past year is I was very guilty of not taking an interest in what my AH was doing and I got a large wake up call to that affect, it's what I call a key moment. He said some pretty harsh things, probably about 95% (maybe 100%) of them were true at the time. Something that came up was the fact we had nothing in common anymore except the kids. It gave me pause to think about if he was right and what was my part in that situation. Well my part was I stopped making an effort of being interested in anything he was interested in, he's a big outdoor guy and I'm not an outdoor person .. well I am .. I don't like bugs and I never had to deal with the bugs until I moved to the midwest .. yuck! lol. Anyway, I started doing little things that weren't a lot really, I stopped tuning him out started listening. Now we have a lot more in common than we realized it's taken time to get there because we've been rediscovering what we do enjoy doing. Both of us have been a little stale in that department of knowing what we even like. This past Friday he was off from work it was just the two of us for about an hour. We ran some errands, well he wanted to listen to some music in the car .. we listened to country music and both of us laughed because neither of us have listened to country in forever, we couldn't tell who was on and we are totally out of touch with the genre. The fun thing to me in that moment was it was something TOTALLY different. Neither of us were going woo hoo I love country, we enjoyed the moment for what it was, just something different. Sharing something doesn't have to be about what one person likes it can be something totally out of left field. I can say that if I tune the radio in I smile when I flash by the country station because it's a good memory that we have together.
It takes effort on both parties. Both parties play a part in making things work or not work. It also comes down to acceptance can you accept that this is what he can give. I know in Courage to Change (daily reader) there is a story about going to the hardware store looking for a loaf of bread. I can't think of the page I do know it's been referenced before, that's the same thing with people. There are things my A can give and there are things he can't, if I expect him to give what he can't I'm only banging my head against the wall. It works so much better for me to just know how to meet my own needs and to be able to accept that he is who he is. Now if I can't accept him that's a whole other issue to deal with.
I'm a little more on the ramble side than normal .. oops .. accepting my AH for what he can give and what he can't is a whole lot better for my own mental sanity instead of expecting things that maybe I don't know how to give either. We are both doing the best we can.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am not sure if you had anything written as I see the post was edited. I just wanted to give you support as YFM did. I do so hope you will continue to write.
