My Guilt, Fear, Lack of Control is Choking Me! - Al-Anon Family Group

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

My Guilt, Fear, Lack of Control is Choking Me!

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

You have so much going on right now. I am tired just reading your post. You are correct that you must take some time out for you or else you will be too burnt out to care for anyone else.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Jozie sending you love and support! All I can say after reading mostly positive and upbeat posts from you usually is you know how to work a good program and we all cycle alittle bit and now you are aware to get back in there. You don't have to beat yourself up! Keep up the great awareness and practice practice practice self care!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Jozie, :)

Gotta love Step 1, can go back there every day at anytime, live there every day with the freedom of going back again. You have so much on your plate at the moment and if you don't take care of you who will?? My Grandma just passed away last month and my mom went through a lot of "if I had known", "I should have" "I could have" and the list goes on. The reality is she was exactly where she needed to be and it's like I told my mom, "What more could you have possibly done that wouldn't have made the situation physically so much worse for my grandma. When it's time it is time and that time is in God's hands."

You've got a great strong program, you know what you need when you need it. Your family is in my prayers.

Hugs P :)

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

This is the difference between you and someone stepping fresh into Alanon. You have tools and have already spelled out what you need to do.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Jozie,

I am so sorry that Grandma and Mom IN-Law are ill. In reading your share I felt you are truly overwhelmed with feeling responsible for everyone and everything. Getting back to basic is essential.

Remember you are powerless over their age and illness. Watching someone decline is difficult. Being able to visit share your love and compassion are a true gift you can give them. In order to do that , I found that I had to take care of Me.

Unless I was reading my daily reader, writing my asset and gratitude list and turning my will over every day, I could not show up and be sane and supportive. I was distracted, hurried, rushed and non supportive.

I make sure to read the 12 Steps each day, remember I cannot, He can and I Must Let Him .

I have taken myself out of the Leadership role. HP has that place and I am a trusted servant.

Be gentle with yourself, you are a kind generous, compassionate person let that joy, and serenity fill your heart. You are worth it.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Get it done Sis...There is nothing at all wrong with your awareness and as it was already said...you got the tools. You only have one excuse to get back to it and get it done and that one cannot be trumped. My best metaphor for step one is going to sleep at night; laying down completely relaxed, fading into darkness and completely helpless except for who now holds me completely. I surrender myself to God as I understand God and then...in the morning I pray to become the servant and to move when told as directed.

Get it done...in support always. (((((hugs))))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 4th of October 2011 02:41:58 AM

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Jozie)))) I understand why you are feeling overwhelmed. But don't let the guilt get to you. Please, please, please make some time to take care of YOURSELF!

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Jozie,

I just wanted to send you some love and support.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Tommye

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

From where I sit, your lack of boudaries is what may be choking you... because I've done it too. I never had any boundaries, I was the permeable membrane. I made everyone elses life MY life, I didn't know how to separate myself and just be with myself. And maybe I didn't want to, focusing on others was what I was taught to do actually, the idea that I was helping others gave my life some value, I thought.

But feeling exhausted... is not God's will for me. I matter too.

I also relate to picking up speed on the highway, as it were... to the sudden panic that all is NOT well, my life is unmanageable. For me, that is what my sponsor is for... I gotta call her BEFORE I "get on the highway" and lose my emotional sobriety.

My sponsor gave me the assignment of having a (gladlee) Day once in a while... a day where I "shut the front door"... I turn off the computor, no phone... just me. How else can God reach us, if we don't bother to get quiet and still?

I am grateful for your post today, it points to my character defects of......... Caring more for others than I do for myself......... and Doing too much (my exhaustion)........ and Boundaries.

Thank you for sharing. ((hugs))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.