The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just used to go. I was free and open in telling her that I was going to an al-anon meeting.
At that time she used to go to AA meets but she doesn't go anymore.
I get a weird reaction, there is a certain amount of hostility, almost like a jealousy.
I don't talk about the meetings anymore, the funny thing is that the f2f meetings I can get to - there is a parallel AA meeting where many of the al-anon's partners go to!
It's a very personal choice best based upon the particular situation.
I never knew I had an option not to tell. I did phrase it where it was about me and nothing to do with my AH. Basically I have past things that are affecting my present self and I need to do this for me. He's never really said much if he asks about a meeting I share a little here a little there about how I"m doing. I do find my own actions speak so much louder than any words I speak.
Every once in a while I get a huff and a grumble. Usually it's, where are you going? LOL .. umm .. it's Sunday, Tues or Thurs .. even my kids know .. LOL .. they say Daddy!! Mommy has a meeting!! (it's like good grief even we know what's going on .. LOL).
For me making the meetings about me which they are honestly, it just made it a what could he say situation .. yes .. he could say something however then he winds up looking like he has more of an issue than he wants to admit.
You know what is right for your situation and every situation is different. There are def situations where personal safety is an issue and someone going would cause them to fear for their physical safety. Those are extreme situations.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Yes my A knows. He also knows that I'm in therapy as a direct result of the effects his illness has had on me. While I don't know if he really grasps the full effect of the emotional devastation, he seems perfectly fine with my getting help for myself.
Years ago when I first began attending meetings I did so in secret. When he found out I was going it was not taken very well. He was furious.
Fast forward. I have been active in the program for several years now and my AH supports me in going to meetings. I rely on him to watch the kids because I chair an evening speaker meeting and attend weekend morning meetings. Our family has changed tremendously as a result of the Alanon program. That is why I believe he encourages me to go and I am grateful for it.
My husband knows I went to counselling, and am looking for another counsellor and he knows the catalyst is his smoking. He knows I am buying books about ACoA and about other self help techniques. He knows my parents are in AA and Al Anon, He does NOT know I have found these boards.... these are for ME and I do not want to share it. I like having a little something that I enjoy, like he has his pot.
The alcoholic's in our lives usually think Al-anon is about us bashing them. Nothing could be further from the truth. I explained to my alcoholic the program is about me and for me. Never have a second thought about taking care of yourself first. We need and deserve recovery whether they seek recovery or not. As it is said, there needs to be one sane person in the house. Al-anon gives you that option.
Well, my AH first told me " you don't need to go to al-anon meetings, you should be going to AA". Now I get "oh you are just gonna go to say how bad I am". I put it quite simple for him. I am NOT the alcoholic, I am the wreck of a person YOUR disease has tarnished. I will go to al-anon to get ME healthy. It has nothing to do with you. So worry more about getting yourself healthy then what I'm doing to get healthy.
I believe he knows in his heart that I am serious about getting healthy and when I do... if he doesn't, I will move on without him and that scares him more than anything. Guess time will tell if it scares him enough to DO something about it!
Yes. My AH and I are both in recovery so he encourages me to go to meetings.
However, even when he relapsed and wasn't going to his meetings, he knew that I went to mine. He was in AA long before I ever started going to Alanon, so I think he realized that family members going to Alanon is not about bashing the alcoholic. It's not about telling all the alcoholic's deepest and darkest secrets to strangers. It's about talking how WE feel - we learn to stop talking about/obsessing over what the A is doing or not doing and focus on ourselves and what we're doing instead.
My husband didn't like it at first. He was very angry about me going. That was nearly 2 yrs ago. Now he accepts not only myself going to alanon and overeaters anon meetings but our children go to al-ateen meetings as well. I think on one level he understands why but he doesn't want to think about it.
