The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I got more money stolen out of my wallet.... Not the first time.. I absolutely HATE this... How disrespectful when he spends all of his money within 4 days on dope and then I have to take care of him the rest of the month (cigarettes, food, gas,ect.) He never pays me back in full because he already owes dealers most of his check... Always short on his part of the bills...
The thing is, it's not about the money.. It's just the point that I have and DO do soooo much for him for him to even think about stealing... I know it's the disease... I know that. But I still have feelings... And right now I'm feeling very disrespected. ????
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't have any words to justify the behavior at all. I know the lies, stealing, chaos is something I no longer am willing to deal with.
Someone once said alcoholics and addicts will both steal your money.......the only difference.......an addict will help you look for it. Keep in mind you would never let a monkey have access to a banana truck.
I'm not making light of your situation, only saying I would eliminate the opportunity as a way of solving and controling the problem.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 30th of September 2011 05:30:16 PM
This might be an opportunity for useful reflection? If someone applied for a job at your workplace and you found out that during the interview they had stolen from your wallet, would you go ahead and hire them? So is "hiring" your A a good idea? Why we put up with people who mistreat us is an interesting question. In my case it was fear that nothing better was out there. Food for thought?
I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is very hard to go through. The mistrust andlack of respect runs deep. You shouldn't have to hide your money away or do sneaky things to stop him stealing from you.... In my experience however, you must make sure that your hard earned cash is safe. the Monkey and the Banana truck analogy was good. I akin it to my safety as a female walking the dark streets at night, I should be able to do that, but inthe same essence, I ensure my safety and stick to the lit up areas or I walk with my big black dog with sharp teeth.
I have hidden the credit cards, changed the pin numbers, and I rarely leave very much cash in my purse... It wasn't that much but like I said it's just the principal of it all... My mind knows what I should do... (get rid of him) my heart won't let me.... I've been trying to think why I don't want him to go and the sad thing is that the only thing I come up with lately is just that I don't want to be alone...I have anxiety/pannic disorder and agoraphobia and I'm literally scared to be alone... But damnit I SHOULDN'T have to hid my own money in my own house from my own bf...... I sent him a fb message to stay at a friends for a couple nights or so.... I need space and time to think.....???
Aloha Kris...you're on the change journey and the consequence of this post will help you to start that journey. The solutions that are being offered to you are not new and you have been honest about why you don't act on them and that brought me to the memory of when I was where you are at now...the start of my journey in recovery. One of the inventory questions was "what have you been willing to put up with to get a consequence you don't want?" That is an honest twist to looking at the picture and I wasn't happy at the answer but apalled by it. "How come I'm not being loved the way I love her?" I learned to answer that one different than I had been before. I had to drop the disease justification and acknowledge that it wasn't because she couldn't love in return it was that she wouldn't love in return. She refused to make necessary changes and then I stopped becoming responsible for how she lived her life. I went out on my own...fearful and all and came to realize that most of my fears were not real anyhow. I had to trust and follow thru with what I was being taught in the program and do what I was suggested to do and it worked. It still works.
Your A is a thief and you can change how you're living your life. ((((hugs)))) Keep coming back...
Holy crap!!!! He brought my money back..... ahhh I'm just in shock. I still told him he should stay a couple nights at a friends but he is pretending to not hear me and passing out on and off in our bed... I'm not going to physically remove him or make a big screaming match like I normally would... I've just been laughing and playing in the livingroom with my son... I have to kind of giggle in my head though because he has came to see what we (me and my son) are doing a couple times... Puzzled look on his face and all... I actually really didn't let this ruin my night!!!! Haven't been here for very long at all but already starting to see the difference in ME!!!!!
So glad you got your money back .. it's a rough situation to be in.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Alcoholics are always thinking about where their next drink will come from in my experience...and w/o money, that calls for desperate measures. I know your frustration...I remember my AH taking money from our kids piggy banks I love the banana truck comment. I use to also ask him, would we pay a babysitter to sit around and drink a 6 pack with our 2 kids all evening? No?? Well why is it OK for you do it?
I love the banana truck comment. I use to also ask him, would we pay a babysitter to sit around and drink a 6 pack with our 2 kids all evening? No?? Well why is it OK for you do it?