mother drinks secretly - Al-Anon Family Group

liar · Newbie

mother drinks secretly

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

You can do what many of us have done that seems to work well for many of us. Look up the hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups in the white pages of your local telephone book and find the meeting places and times where we get together in your area and then come as early as you can. When you get there find the literature table and get pamphlets and look over the other books and articles and before the meeting starts find your seats and open your mind cause a miracle is about to start for you and the rest of the family who get there. Your mom gets irate because she knows you know and the voice in her head is also talking to her about what is going on that she has no power over either. Alcoholism is a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body and its not making her feel good in any way shape or form. Everyone knows...there is an elephant in the living room. Keep coming back there are many more things to learn and many more others to share with you. (((hugs))) smile

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to Miracles In Progress,

If confronting the alcohoic in our life would control, change, or stop their drinking habits life would be simple. It's just not that simple. Your mother knows she is drinking, and she knows you know she is drinking......hince denial. I'm not referring to a river in Africa, but a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease. We can't change, control, or stop someome from drinking by begging, pleading or confronting. We can try and only fail. We can as Jerry suggested seek recovery in the rooms of Al-Anon where you will find members who will offer you their experience, strenght, and hope.....what worked for them.

Start today and seek recovery from the effects the disease has had on you. You took the first step tonight coming to MIP. Take the next step and find a meeting in your area. Do it for yourself...you deserve it, and keep coming back.

Your not alone anymore.

HUGS.
RLC

mikeco · Member

Welcome!
My mom did/does the exact same thing. As if nobody else can tell. If anyone dares to confront her it is either not happening or everyone else is crazy. Then they get the wrath of God. I played the game for many years thinking if I said the right thing at the right time she would "Get it" and would maybe put her kids or grand kids first for a change. My dad is an alcoholic too, and they enable each other in an extremely toxic way. I finally made it to Al anon and started to work on myself. I have never changed the attitude or behavior of my alcoholics, but I have changed some of my attitudes and reactions to them and have learned a little about detaching with love. Keep coming back! These boards are full of kind hearts and wisdom.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Liar,

Welcome to MIP. I see you have had a warm welcome already. I do so appreciate the opportunity to introduce myself and say I think you are in the right place.

I have a parent that is active in their disease. I cannot change whether or not they will drink. What has been so helpful to me is to go to face to face meetings of alanon to gain a greater understanding and tools for which I needed to learn how to deal with an active drinker.

Keep coming back,

Tommye

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome!

You told my story! My mom hid/hides her drinks too - thinks that nobody can tell, that nobody sees her putting her wine glass inside the kitchen cabinet, etc. It used to make me so very angry that it was soooo obvious and everyone knew, but she wouldn't admit it and she'd just get defensive and mean (or cry and act like a victim) if we confronted her.

I found a lot of peace in the rooms of Alanon. I learned a lot of tools for dealing with my mom - such as, there is no point in confronting an active alcoholic because that person already knows what they're doing. They're sick, not dumb - and they're ashamed of their own behavior and it's easier to deny than it is to accept responsibility. I learned that I already know she's drinking, and I don't need her to validate my knowledge. I learned not to ask questions I know the answer to because it sets me up to either a) be lied to or b) get someone else's guilt dumped on me. I don't need or deserve either of those things.

I hope that you will find a face to face Alanon meeting in your area and start enjoying the help that I've found. We can't get anyone else sober, but we can sure learn to find ways to help ourselves out of the pit.

Keep coming back -

Summer

rrib · Senior Member

Jerry F wrote:
You can do what many of us have done that seems to work well for many of us. Look up the hotline number for the Al-Anon Family Groups in the white pages of your local telephone book and find the meeting places and times where we get together in your area and then come as early as you can.

ditto (2nd time quoting Jerry today)

And here is the link to the central Al-Anon web site which may help you find the phone# in your area http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Believe me I understand, nothing matches the rage of an alcoholic/addict when confronted on their lies.

Do you have to live the lie? Nope. You can come to al anon and talk about your feelings. I know for me that means being pretty honest about where I am, what my life is and what I am feeling. I don't do that with everybody but I do share a great deal with my support system at al anon.

There is a huge relief in asking for help. Help is there in many forms, al anon, reading certain books like Getting them Sober. Reach out, take the help that is available for you. Learn tools of how to "cope" with your mother's illness.

I'm glad you here.

Maresie.

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs and welcome here :) Alanon is for you to recover from the affects of someone else's drinking. Take care of you :)

liar · Newbie

First off....thanks all,

I have an uphill battle in front of me. To add, my mother is one of those "I know everything" kind of people. She will not let you talk. If you confront, then she will try to make trouble for you. Even at her expense. Will not rationalize. So suggesting AA meetings will almost not even be an option. Granted, It is the most logical, but if someone in that condition will not listen or will retaliate with great agression, what options are left? Its not like I or my sisters can say "hey mom...your not exactly in the best of shape...can we help" or worse comments. That will be met with super consequences. Some of which will effect not only her, but our lives in big fassion.

Im gonna still try, but its hard.

Susan

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Susan

I too would like to welcome you to MIP and add my suggestion that you are powerless over your mom and that you and your sister can find help in the face to face meeting rooms of alanon.

AA meeting rooms are for alcoholics who have admitted that they need help and are willing to seek help

Alanon is a recovery program for family and friends of alcoholics. Alcoholism is a disease and anyone living with this disease become affected. We need recovery just as the alcoholic.

Good news is we can get help for ourselves and leave the alcoholic alone to live their lives as they see fit. In alanon I learned new responses to this disease that enabled me to live my life and know happiness, serenity and courage even if the alcoholic continued to drink.

I urge you to break the isolation and join us asap. Please keep coming back here as well.

mikeco · Member

I used to think that telling my parents(as if they didn't already know) about AA would somehow make them realize there was a problem. All it did was make the two of them turn on me. It took me a few times to learn this as I was convinced I was special enough to them that I could make them get it. well I know now... One of my favorite things overheard at an. Al anon meeting is "Recovery is not for those who need it, it's for those that want it." Take care of yourself.

Mike

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.