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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Be Grateful for the Pain
Post Info TOPIC: Be Grateful for the Pain
tommyecat


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Be Grateful for the Pain
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That is what my sponsor said to me this weekend.  I thought to myself how could I really be grateful for the pain and confusion?  I know from experience working with my sponsor I don't need to feel it to do it.  Just take the action and do it.    

So I began writing yesterday to find out how.  I wrote a gratitude list which included being grateful for the pain and confusion.  I wondered like a child how it is all going to work out.   Then I came to the following conclusion after a few pages of writing.  That my relationship with my HP is a miracle.  I thanked Him for the pain because without it, I would not have a reason to seek a relationship with a power greater than myself who has my greater good in mind.   Thus, pain is the only knife sharp enough to cut through self will and denial.  

I discovered in the writing that I want to rest in the comfort and abundance of my HP's will.  In order to do so I must release this circumstance with love to do with it as He sees fit.  There is strength in surrender and accepting the fact that I myself am nothing.  I think it is best said in Hope for Today on PP 341:

"Even if I decide myself into a corner, I'm not alone.  My HP is with me every where I go." 

Thanks for letting me share.  I love you guys.

Tommye



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Pushka


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Hugs Tommye,

Love the share this is exactly what I'm struggling with right now in my own situation. I'm trying to trust my HP that things are the way they need to be right now and the future even tomorrow is going to get here regardless of what I do or don't do. I love what you always say about the past, expecting that going back to the past is going to change the outcome and the reality is it's just not. Things are still going to have the same outcome maybe my perception has changed, the outcome is still the same.

Thank you sooo much for this share, it really is just what I needed,

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
jmanning


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Thank you!!! That is so true if I never had the pain of my AH going to jail then I would never opened up to my HP. And allow my HP to comfort me and direct me in the direction that I need to be in..Thanks for sharing

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youfoundme


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I am very grateful for the pain that led me to alanon and finding out I still had an HP. I still have a very hard time sitting with my pain, but knowing that you guys are here and that I have a sponsor all help me through... Focusing on other things just makes me sicker, so looking at myself and working on me is the only way through the pain... thanks Tommye, as always. :) HUGS!

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canadianguy


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This post reminds me of an amazing lady who was in my Al-Anon home group for a number of years.... She used to thank her HP for her son being an alcoholic, as without this blessing, she would have never found the knowledge and strength that she had found in the program....

Now....  I can't quite get myself to that level, where I am 'thankful' that I have had the disease of alcoholism in and around my life - but I can definitely be thankful for the program itself (including this board), as well as the number of great people I have met on our respective journeys...

 

T



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nyc018


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This post strikes a chord for me today too. My AH and I just signed separation papers, which was painful for us both. But I realize that I am stronger than I thought I was. In some respect this excruciating process has forced me to tap into strenghts I never knew or thought I have. There is a lot of relief in realizing that you just can't control something uncontrollable. But I am immensely grateful for the wonderful things my HP has blessed me with. Thank you for sharing.

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Debilyn


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Tc it was thru pain that brought me to many conclusions of  never wanting to be in that position again.

It taught me to go ahead and just "DO IT" whatever it was. Taught me I can do anything anyone else can do.

Pain is what makes us grow. We don't do much of that when things are easy. Which is a good space to be in also!

It can be a warning too, that if I continue, it is going to get worse.

When I get a new animal I think about how awful it will feel when I lose them. I accept that pain.

Now with men TC I don't know if I can handle that pain again if he goes. My ex AH knew how horrible it was for me to lose my first husband.Barely survived it. He promised for a year he would not leave me. Took him that long to get me to marry him.

Then he went away, totally out of his control. I forgot what it was like to have my sweet husband now. I just remember how horrible it hurt.

so its kinda a paradox isn't it? Now pain has made me learn how men I adore come into my life, then leave. So of course the thought of it has me clear up here.

Anway you made me think, hugs kiddo,debilyn who wishes there was a pain pill for a broken heart <3



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Lindaoakford


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I am grateful that my husband is giving me the opportunity to better myself.

I can't say I am grateful for the pain, particularly pain of the past.  They say that we learn and become stronger through adversity (sp?), if that is the case, I would like to swap some of my knowledge and strength for a decrease in painful memories please.

At times I sit back and look at people I know who had a nice enough upbringing, regular parents and normal childhood and teenage angst.  Families that are not full of abuse and alcoholism, I see they have married thier loves and been together 20 years by the time they are 40 with good kids with careers and nice enough lives.  They seem happy.  Naturally I don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but I think, they are strong in thier own way and they are smart..... they may not be worldly or 'streetwise' as I have been called but... it would have been nice to have that kind of life.

anyway, I have digressed.  Being thankful for the pain is a concept that needs a bit more consideration on my part, but I am thankful that my husband is making me address my issues, even though he refuses to address his.

 



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Linda - a work in progress
Livinginfear


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I have a long journey ahead of me before I would be grateful for the pain I am feeling right now. Thank you for sharing!

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GailMichelle


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Thanks for your well-written post.

In the past two years, I've finally begun to face the pain of my past.  As I do my life becomes much more fulfilling. 

The pain led me to the HP of my understanding.  I, too, no longer feel alone.  And that's an awesome feeling.



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
Jerry F


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Great post....I have also learned that if it wasn't for the pain...peace would have little value in my life.  I don't go looking for it but when it comes it's just pain and this too will pass.   (((((hugs))))) smile



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mikeco


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It took me quite a while to be grateful for the pain that brought me to Al anon but I can honestly say it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I realized one day that my actions were reminding me a lot of my alcoholic parents and I was not the one who was drinking. I was a wreck. I was in so much pain and full of fear. I knew I was in trouble but had no idea how I was going to deal with my issues. I walked in to my first meeting and since that day my life has taken many tiny turns for the better. That pain was the most powerful motivator I have ever had. I promised myself that I would do ANYTHING to not have to live that way any more. Thanks to the program, I don't have to if I keep coming back.

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pinkchip


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When the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change, we will change.

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tommyecat


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Thank you guys for your E,S,& H.  I am hanging on to every word.

In gratitude,

Tommye



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