The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well its been a week since my AH went to jail. And last weekend when I posted I never thought I would make it, or thought it would get easier. But it has, when he got his furlough tuesday that helped me emotionally a lot. And during this week I did a lot of thinking and reflecting back. And I realize how I did not help him with the things I did nor did I help myself. I did go out friday with some friends and had a really good time. And today I went with a friend out to breakfast and hit some yard sales. When I talked to my AH on the phone and told what I did he seemed uneasy about me moving on with my life while he sits in jail. Well I spoke up to him since really he had no other choice but to listen. And told him that I am doing things for myself and I am not going to sit home and wait for him. I cannot help nor did I put him in there. So I should not suffer because of it.
Then he asked me not to go out with one of my friends cause they drink. Oh did that hit a nerve. I am not a drinker. Yes i have went out and had a couple of drinks before but not like him. And again I told him what was on my mind about that. I also informed him that I had enough money in the bank that I did not have to be here, that I can pack up and leave. That I have been through enough crap with him that he should not blame me if I left. He was speechless and it was quiet for a couple minutes on the phone. Then I spoke and said I did love him and for him to realize that I don't need him but that I was not going anywhere. And that for us to have any kind of future he needs to work on himself while he is there. Since I held my ground his tone has been much different with me.
Maybe I should not of been this way, but it was something I had to do.
This time last week I would never thought I would be this strong. But thanks to my HP and this forum and am doing it.
When the fog of anger clears and the serenity clarity sets in things do get a lot easier. Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself.
Hugs p :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Please keep focusing on yourself, trusing in HP one day at a time and trusting on alanon principles and you will continue to grow in serenity, courage and wisdom.
A little over a week ago in your first post titled "I'm New Here and Sad"....you said...."My problem is I'm lost. I cry all the time."
Tonight you ended your post...."This time last week I would never have thought I would be so strong. But thanks to HP and this forum I am doing it."
Nothing has changed but you. Little changes in you. Members offered their experience, strength, and hope, and you applied what had worked for them in your life. You were told your life would get better one day at a time if you kept the focus on yourself....and you have. When we take care of ourself first, keep the focus on ourselves, and put our faith and trust in HP, miracles can and do happen....whether you realize it or not you are a "Miracle In Progress".
Please consider finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area and continuing your recovery. Face 2 face meetings will offer you the support you need and deserve.
I am just so glad you feel comfortable in leaving the house. I remember you saying last week that you cant get to a meeting. I am glad you are pushing your own comfortable boundaries and having fun with your friends.
I do so hope you will find the ability to attend the face to face meetings of alanon. It was a tremendous support to me when I was going at this alone. I think you will find tremednous strenght, love, support, acceptance and understanding should you decide to go.
That was amazing Jmanning. Don't doubt yourself....that little voice saying "maybe I shouldn't have done that" is the part of you that needs to continue being worked on. Yes, you should have done it and that's why you did it :)
Thank you everyone. I am starting to feel confident that I said the right things and got my point across. I even starting going back to church. And I think I was getting sent a message. The sermon was about alcoholics and being arrested. And how to put your HP first and God has your best interests and that He does things for reasons. Wow that hit home. I did find out when there is F2F mtgs but unfortunately they are the same times I have class. But I will figure something out. Also my AH wrote to me and wants me to find out if he can have his AA books there. I am praying that he means that or just was writting that to make me happy. I feel somewhat comfortable leaving the house, but really I have to. There no sense in sitting home dwelling on things I cannot change. But going out and changing things I can. Thanks to everyone here and I hope the experiences I post will help someone else.
Jmanning, good for you for doing things for you :) I too hope you find a meeting for you. We have online meetings here too, at night at 9pm or in the morning at 9am on weekdays. I think the weekend times are 10am and 9pm... There is that, its a start. The thing is, real time meetings are where you get phone numbers and a chance to find a sponsor so you can work the steps. Keep coming and glad you are here :)
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
The ex A certainly never wanted me to go out and take care of myself! He wanted me around to take care of his issues.
Of course I generally did!
I'm impressed you are taking care of yourself.
I have found that sometimes an A can hear you when you set limits. I'd also say unless they go into some form of recovery most of them never dig deep enough to see where those demands are coming from.
