Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> 8 years ago
Post Info TOPIC: 8 years ago
dean


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:
8 years ago
Permalink  

My wife and I have been married 21 years. No children. When she quit work about 8 years ago, she began drinking more than social drinking.  In that time period, she lost her parents, then as time went on, she lost most of her friends. She used the bottle as an excape.  Her health became a challenge and the doctors warned her to quick drinking.  She has had no real desire to get help with all the prompting I gave her.  I read all the co-dependancy books and came to realize I could not change her.  Last November, certain events happened and a light came on, or I should say, my light for the marriage went off.  After the New Year, I asked her for a divorce.  We decided to live in separate rooms and wait for financial matters to get better.  Well, 10 months later, we're still in the same house, my feelings have not changed, she still consumes and I still want out.  She is thinking of moving in with a girl friend and I will try to sell the house and split the equity, which is sizable. Can anyone relate?  God Bless.



__________________
glad


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 687
Date:
Permalink  

I can relate to all the waiting and wanting it to get better, to caring for someone yet knowing you deserve better... may I suggest watching the video included in the sticky post STICKY: Why Alcoholism is "categorized/listed" as a disease by AMA (explained)

 

(Preview) ( at top of the "Board Start")

 

watching this helped me not take the whole thing personally and really helped me move on.

 

Keep coming back ,, glad your here.



__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

 

 

I relate!!  and then my experience kicks in which included finding the doors to the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups in the area I was living in then.  I was led to finding those doors after finding the hotline number in the white pages of my local telephone book which is probably where you'll find it in your telephone book.  Call the number and get the places and times where we meet in your town and go as quickly and as often as you can for the next 90 days and then reconsider your thoughts, plans and choices.   It will make a big difference in what and how you decided to change things.

Keep coming back here also.   Welcome.   ((((hugs)))) smile



__________________
rosielee


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 358
Date:
Permalink  

nope cant relate to marrying an alcoholic... but can relate to living with one and wanting out. this will be so much better for you- good for you. i know it was probably actually a hard decision and really hard putting your right to happiness where it should be.

she responsible for herself, she cant be happy in the marriage anyway- she sounds lonely- which is why she keeps drinking too- moving in with a friend culd be the best thing for her- a bit of company for her- she might start to get her head out of the black hole

this is moving forward for everybody, so dont take any guilt trips .

__________________
rosie
alexmaui


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 95
Date:
Permalink  

Wow can I relate! My AH lost control of his drinking in 2007  and turned to Rx pills and vodka to soothe whatever pain he was in.

I stayed and I stayed...I also developed a bunchof stress related physical problems. I turned to AlAnon and it gave me the will to move on..Finally, I moved out..

Now he is sitting in my beautiful house...not cleaning it and living like a pig. I am waiting for him to be sober enough to get a lawyer so we can sell the house and get the cash...or he can buy me out...

I asked my lawyer if I should find him another place to live or get him a lawyer. She looked at me like I was nuts and I realized that after a year  in AlAnon I still have aways to go.

Good luck to us both...it is really not that easy to change yourself. Hugs.



__________________
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4578
Date:
Permalink  

I am glad you are here.  I think that it is a hard place to be in.  Al anon can help you a great deal.  I split from an EX A boyfriend a few years ago.  Thsi board has helped me immensely.

Maersie.



__________________
maresie
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> 8 years ago