??? - Al-Anon Family Group

kris10 · Senior Member

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maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Letting go of friends who "use" is part of an addicts recovery path. I watched one of my roommates get sucked into using again with another roommate. We may feel we need to interfere but its actually part of the addicts growth to learn to set limits and choose better individuals. Some of them do and don't.

I absolutely loathed some of the ex A's friends. They were totally invasive of my life. I had no boundaries then. Now I do. Eventually when one of the ex A's friends came around (he fixed his car in our driveway) I locked the front door. I wouldn't open it for anything. Needless to say they all hated that. I didn't. I set real clear limits on his antics. I would now not entertain someone like that but I had to go through hell to get there.

I'm so glad you are here and can learn about setting boundaries. How much we let the addicts life invade on ours is so tricky. The good part is that boundaries are a very useful thing to have!

Maresie.

kris10 · Senior Member

I did start to set some boundries.. My A bf shares my phone with me because when he went to treatment he shut his off to keep these people away from him. So now he has gave them my number ( that i let him use also) but i recently blocked all these drug friends numbers from my phone.. ONLY BEACUSE when i see they called and my bf went running out the door , i know what hes going to do an i worry and get mad and obsess about it all day so by the time he comes home high im ready to snap. So now they cant call my phone so now I dont have to know and worry all day. BUT as far as not letting him in my house??? Its my house and only my name on it but he pays pills and rent too so how can i say who he can and cant have over???

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Addicts do not usually like to use alone. If your bf wanted to be clean he would be, it has nothing to do with his friend. They are using each other.

No one can make them use or not use.

Your saying anything only alienates your bf from you.

Again we either accept them as is and we learn thru Al Anon how to become comfortable in our own skin whether they use or not.

We fight it, will not get anywhere but sicker and make our A want to use even more,.

Or we or they leave the relationship.

We can control nothing., My AH's friend wagged a needle of herion in my AH's face and AH did it up. Was not his friends fault at all, Ah could have said no, he had been clean from heroin for twenty years.

I actually liked his friend, knew him since i was a kid. he was a serenity lane counselor for awhile. cool guy. but......an A.

They both did support each other thru sobriety on program with AA and also they went down together too.

sadly his friend od'ed on heroin and died in his moms house. My AH has oded at least three times and has been zapped back.

Hate this disease,

Our griping, screaming, blaming, checking them only hurts us. I hope you will keep coming, and also find a meeting or more in your area. the info for contact is at the bottom of my post to you.

glad you are here! ,hugs,debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

As hard as it is and believe me I've reminded myself recently daily, that regardless of what my A does, he has to be responsible for his own recovery and what he chooses to do with it or not do with it. I have no idea what the future holds, I know regardless of what it does I have found the tools through alanon to cope with my situation. I still get inside my head I still struggle with things, it's not as long or as deep as it was a year ago. WOW ... night and day. Alanon will always be a part of my life no matter what at this point because I know without this program I would be 1/2 of what I am today.

Just like Deb said, yes I'm sure his "friend" is a unhealthy influence, that being said if your A wants to be sober he will. It's really time for you to focus on your own recovery and what kind of boundaries you want in place so you can live a healthy life. It's not about controlling the addict, it's about controlling our reactions to the addict, finding out what we bring to the table (be it addicted to drama, or addicted to the idea of being "in love" "in a relationship", co dependency, whatever you want to call it).

Hugs P :)

rosielee · Senior Member

when i got clean i had to push everyone away that was using- and that means no exceptions- its an absolute and total first rule to remain clean- most times people start staying away and they begin to get the message.
your bf prob phoned this "friend" up.....he wanted a using buddy. if you really want to do it- you do- and i know many that have done- its only possible if you want it- this "friend" situation is a side- track to the real situation that your bf has relapsed.

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