The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On Monday our group has a step/tradition study meeting. Yesterday we were on Step 10, Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
As the discussion made its way across the room, I started to take my own inventory. I had a light bulb moment that in the evenings I begin to get a little restless, irritable, and discontented right around the dinner hour. After I pick up my oldest from school, do homework, get my youngest a bath while the older one takes a shower, it is nothing short of a miracle to make it back to the kitchen to prepare dinner. All the while, little by little my frustration grows.
So, last week I was looking for some ES&H on the 12 concepts of service because I was asked to give a talk next month focusing on 3 & 4. Well thanks to two members for their insights I have been trying to gain a better understanding of them and how they apply to my recovery. Here is what I found. . . .
Concept 4 states that Participation is the Key to Harmony. When I assume total responsibility to get something done, I fall out of harmony not only with myself but with others. Asking for what I need such as delegating responsibility to my children having them set the table and the youngest clear the table are all key components to the family operating in harmony. Last night I put this idea into action. Not only did my oldest set the table cheerfully, but he helped clear the table, load the dishwasher, while my husband washed the dishes and I dried them and put them away. Together we worked cooperatively. We all participated for the greater good of the family and that felt awesome.
The insights and awareness of how I can apply these principals in all of my affairs seem to be limitless. I am grateful to those that helped share with me their experiences with the concepts so that I can discover yet another way I can apply these spiritual principals on a deeper level.
Wow this post made me want to study and learn more ... for life in general to be great, not just to " relieve pain" which is what first brought me to alanon.. I'm starting to see it can be alot more than that... Thanks so much for this!
Tommye, its funny you mention this today. I have to say when I was a kid (teenager) my parents started having me and my brother and our foster sister all take turns making supper, cleaning up after supper, setting the table etc. We rotated days of the week and some nights I had to do both the cooking and the clean up, some nights just one or the other. It helped foster in me the ability to cook supper, know that I have to clean up after myself and I gained responsibility. My kids, I am following something similar. Its hard during football season, as my younger son is at practice most nights or a game from 5-7ish... Delegating is a great thing though and it helps me remember that things don't have to get done just as I do them, people have their own ways of doing things. Its just another thing that puts me back at step 1... I am powerless over how other people clean/cook etc... LOL! Great share Tommye! Thanks for that one :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Applying this concept is working out great. I told my oldest he will be using the mandolin slicer to cut up zucchinis for dinner and the two year old will be peeling cucumbers. The oldest will set the table and the youngest is cleaning up the table. Together it feels like we are all working as a team and our nights are ending peacefully. I still cant believe it, but if one person takes the action and use the principals of the program, it does have a postive impact on the family.
It never occurred to me before recovery that I should just ask for help when I needed it. I either waited until I deperately needed help and then went crying for it, or I refused/pushed away help and suffered the consequences of not getting things done or remaining ignorant when I could have learned from someone that knew better. Your experience in the program is something I can identify with. Your knowledge of the steps is really respectable and it's obvious you are working this at a high level.
Asking for help is a biggie!! Also not having to do it all, which has never seemed right in my eyes that the primary parent is doing a lot more than a fair share.
My daughter had a light bulb moment with some of her friends, they were talking about things they have to do at home and probably about 95% of the kids said their parents (usually mom) do it all for them. She proceeded to thank me for having her do her part in our household. Her biggest responsibility at home is keeping her own room up and just helping her brother with his (she helps him with picking things up and making his bed, he does most of it.) I'm not looking for perfection I'm just looking to be able to walk in and not trip over anything .. lol. She has had days where she's made her lunch and her brothers for school as well. It's not daily however it's something. It's a huge deal for me because I am so challenged in this area. Even my son knows how to put his laundry away or do little things that help us operate in a way that is all about helping each other. I have always told my kids I am not the maid (I would have been fired long ago .. lol), it takes all parties participating in our home to make it something special for us all. The fact my daughter now sees how much she has already learned in the game of life she is very appreciative of it.
We're going to start with her fixing a meal on a weekend this year. It's all about life skills and knowing how to do for yourself AND ask when there is a need to ask.
Great share HUGS :)
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks pink chip and Pushka for your continued insight and support. I am so grateful for it and thank you ever so much for your contributions. It is really coloring my world.
