The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lyrics from a song that have particular resonance for me today. "You cut me open, and I keep bleeding love..."
I was woken up this morning by a call from my mother. First thing she says to me is "Don't be angry and yell at me. I've been drinking." I told her it had been fairly obvious. She asked me for money and a ride to either get to the doctor and get a prescription for Librium, or get to the liquor store and get something with low alchohol content to stave off the DT's. She has a tendency toward seizures already (caused by drinking?) and she is afraid of what the alcohol withdrawal will do to her.
Because of other things, I had no way to get her a ride anywhere today and I feel horribly guilty for it. I would never have taken her to the liquor store, but I know the withdrawal will be rough on her and I feel like I should help, on the one hand. On the other, I cannot keep being at her beck and call. It's causing me mental, emotional, and physical pain. I've had a tension headache since she called me at 7 this morning, it feels like my head is in a vice. Everything that pertains to her, every choice I make, one option is wrong, and the other feels wrong. I feel terribly guilty either way, and worry that I'm making the wrong decision.
For me when I am faced with a decision as to whether or not to do something I always ask myself one question. I stole it from our Alanon literature. It is:
Is It In MY Best Interest?
If I answer that question with a "No" then I do not take an action. If I answer "yes" then I take an action. The question for me is how I practice self care. My personal experience is that alcoholics are resourceful people. If they get a shut door, they find another one to open.
On the back our our Alanon birthday chips there is the following quote from Shakespeare. It is:
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE
When I apply that slogan, I find I am least likely to pick up another resentment helping those before I practice taking care of myself.
I love what breakingfree and tommye say here. Those two women have helped me so much, and its awesome to be able to follow them with a response. Your mom is an adult and if she wants help, she can ask for a ride to a rehab/detox place, or get herself there. Like Tommye said, I am learning to ask whats in my best interest. If I am going to feel resentful for helping someone out, then its probably better to not help them. I too feel guilt when I say no to people. But the more I see whats best for me, the more that guilt is going away... little by little, day by day... alanon meetings have helped me along with having a sponsor :) Take care of you!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
i hear ya! its always going to be painful- whatever you do- you feel like you should be doing more....and whatever you do is never ging to be enough
but- she is the on that started drinking again...and im guessing shes been through withdrawals before- so she knew what she was getting into... its not your problem- your addiction or your burden
i think they are spectacularly good at getting the sympathy vote and provking the guilt- when there are people dying with cancer who wouldnt put any of it on their lovd ones.
i think Tommeys advice is excellent....listen to these wise people!!! its wrong to make you feel bad for something you didnt create or start. if you had transport problems there is nothing you can do.......what i do in this situation is to detach and think about my life and me. but I agree- its not easy xxxx
