The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am reading this book by David Sheff called Beautiful Boy. Its about the father's side of what went on when his son was addicted to drugs (meth, heroin, pills, what have you). He mentions alanon in it and going to meetings which is nice. I know its not conference approved, but the sentence that struck me that he quoted from somewhere is my title to this post... "Please don't confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them"
That really hit home for some reason. On a day when I wanted to yell and scream at my A for having a couple of drinks the night before, when I read that sentence, I was stopped in my tracks. I realized that the yelling and screaming and condecending would do no good, in fact it would drag down my self-esteem even more.
Today's ODAAT and Courage are guiding me... Each day I can choose to be angry, sad, mad etc or I can live happy, joyful and free... Which one is in MY best interest? hmmm...
I can say to the not confronting...would I want to be confronted with all I have failed to do in my life? People could say a lot to me about my failures. Do I want them shoved in my face? What would be the point to judge and point out the fallicies of another? What good would come of it? None. And I would feel terrible afterwards. This disease of the brain is totally baffling, cunning and VILE. However, I am glad I know of it, I would never have begun on this path of healing if I had not known an alcoholic.
Learning to take care of me, little by little... it works when we work it... Thanks all!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
That book was gut wrenching. My wife read it as well and it had a huge impact on her. Can't imagine how hard it would be to have a child addicted to drugs.
usedtobe...my fiance is reading that book, just read the son's second book called "we all fall down" and we are reading "tweak". I have to say, it is impacting him as well... thanks :) Tough but good read...
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I thank you for sharing that quote because it resonates with me because I too felt like an abject failure when I had to turn to alanon for help. There was no where else for me to go. I was in complete and total misery.
I thought why would anyone in their right mind go to Alanon if you weren't a complete and total failure? What I found in the program were people who have lived or are living with circumstances that are defy logic and they are happy joyous and free. I could not figure out how that was possible. Today I know how it is possible because I have found that happiness that defies understanding. That is what keeps me in the program, to continue to learn how to live and find the joy in each and every experience my HP lays at my feet.
Thanks youfoundme, I needed that today too. Afiance drank again last night after a wonderful sober weekend together. I tried my best last night to stay calm, remember he's a child of God, etc. But man, he can get under my skin! I haven't seen him today, he works early and was off to a counseling class before I got home from work. I was planning on pointing out all the things he had said to me last night, all the ways he failed me again. After reading your post, I have changed my mind. Thank you!!
"Please don't confront me with my failures. I have not forgotten them" I keep listening to this Taylor Swift song and it reminds me of people's sad stories from this alanon board (I know, not everyone's story is sad)... Anyhow, the line you quoted is also in the song but in different wording. Ironically, I do believe this song is about no longer putting up with an abusive alcoholic boyfriend. Take what you want from it but I find it kind of empowering...especially since written by such a young performer/songwriter.
"Mean"
You, with your words like knives And swords and weapons that you use against me You have knocked me off my feet again Got me feeling like a nothing You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard Calling me out when I'm wounded You picking on the weaker man
Well you can take me down with just one single blow but you don't know, what you don't know...
Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city And all you're ever going to be is mean Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever going to be is mean Why you gotta be so mean?
You, with your switching sides And your wildfire lies and your humiliation You have pointed out my flaws again As if I don't already see them I walk with my head down Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you I just wanna feel okay again
I bet you got pushed around Somebody made you cold But the cycle ends right now Cause you can't lead me down that road And you don't know, what you don't know...
Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city And all you're ever going to be is mean Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever going to be is mean Why you gotta be so mean?
And I can see you years from now in a bar Talking over a football game With that same big loud opinion But nobody's listening Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing But all you are is mean
All you are is mean And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean
But someday I'll be living in a big ol' city And all you're ever going to be is mean, yeah yeah Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever going to be is mean Why you gotta be so mean?
Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city And all you're ever going to be is mean, yeah yeah Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever going to be is mean Why you gotta be so mean?
Girlfriend you are working your program so glad you keep coming back and keep sharing!! :)
@ PinkChip that is one of my favorite songs as well as my daughters. It says so much and is so very true!
Hugs all :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pinkchip, thanks for sharing :) I once lived with someone who was abusive and now that I have moved on and he has too, we can finally talk to each other like human beings. Its funny how much alanon has helped me become a person who can do that :)
Pushka, thanks for that ;)
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
"Please don't confront me with my failures, I'm aware of them..." Line is written by Jackson Browne from song called "These Days..." Also sung by Gregg Allman.on his Laid Back album... that song hits as hard now as it did in 1978 when I heard it by Gregg Allman...
Thank you all for being here. I think I am finally understanding the strength that is hidden in the gentle words of wisdom shared by so many here and at my first Al-Anon meeting last week. Thanks again for being here..
