The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had so many mixed emotions today. My first class of the day in college first thing I was asked where is my other half is. Well I am type that always tells the truth. And all I could manage to say was he had an emergency and couldn't make it in. My teacher looked at me and asked if I was okay. I wondered could he read my face. Well he is a psychology teacher and a therapist.
Then a classmate stopped me and I told him what happened. And I felt mad that I have to explain.
I went to pick up our student loans, and of course couldn't get his. I know that sounds selfish. But he will be gone for a year and I have so many credit hours I cannot work. I shouldn't have to quit school for him. I can survive on my money, but his would be nice too, thats why he took out the loans to help me.
Then I went ot pay bills and I was just plan ole mad cause he was suppose to be with me and we had made plans to do something today.
His lawyer called me and got my husband a 5 hour forlough for this week to take care of his school stuff. Cause he has to withdrawal from his classes and pick up his check. Which will help..
But then I get to go over the whole grieving process again. Yes I get to actually hug him and say goodbye. Cause I couldn't do that in court bc they took him right away. And I did pray in court that I could get a proper goodbye with him. So I do get a pray answered.
Just so many mixed emotions. I feel sad, glad, mad and just grrr.
It does get easier. I have to tell you the experience of emotions that I went through during the first 90 days were such a mix. My whole world felt topsy turvey. I think the thing I had the biggest issue with was that a decision was made, I had no say in it and yet our whole family was collateral damage because of his choices. This is why I'm so grateful for alanon though. It has really taught me what is my stuff, what is his stuff and then what is our stuff together. The stuff that is mine I have a total say in, the stuff that is ours I get to participate in.
The other thing is alanon has taught me how to be powerless in a situation without being the victim. I can surrender and not give away my power in any situation I always have a choice.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks...what you said about the decision was made and I had no say in it and the whole family being collateral damage for his choices. Is soooo true. I didn't have a say in it and I didn't do anything wrong and I am being punished. I just feel so confused and with him possibly coming home for 5 hrs. I just don't know what to say. I am grateful my HP is answering my prayer. But I am just so confused. I would rather go in the corner and hide for 9 mos...
New members of MIP have two givens....they don't have to be alone anymore and they have found a new family who understands and cares about them. You have been a member for only one day and I feel sure you agree. You received some great experience, strenght, and hope today from members who wanted to share with you what worked for them. In the program it's what we call giving back to others what the program has given you. You can't keep it if you don't give it a way.
Your HP answered your prayer and that same HP will be by our side giving you the words to say during his 5 hour forlough, and beyond, helping 'you' take care of 'you'. It will be important to live in the day, remembering even HP can't change the past. Most important for you will be starting your recovery from the effects the disease has had on you. This board and it's members are great, and have wonderful wisdom to share, but nothing can replace face 2 face Al-Anon meetings. You will find a new family in the rooms of Al-Anon who will welcome you just as members here have also. You deserve and need the help this program can offer. Your life will get better. Take the opportunity you have in front of you to put the foucs on you, the only person you have any control over.
We all have choices in life and we all come to crossroads. My ES&H to you is to choose the path to recovery and take your HP along for support.
Your mixed emotions are quite understandable. Be patient with yourself. Things can fall into place if you don't try to do it all at once. ~ One day at a time ~
I'm sending you a little nudge towards the doorway of a nearby Al-Anon meeting. I truly hope you will give yourself the gift of Al-Anon.
What the program can do for you is beyond your best dreams.
Thanks for coming back and giving us an update on how you're doing.
Take good care, Gail
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Hi and Welcome here, I didn't get to say hi yesterday... I can tell you that I too live with an active alcoholic. He has just gotten done with a DUI and its sentencing. If he gets another DUI it will be a year in jail. He is trying every day. With the help of alanon for me, my family life is changing. The changes we get from the new tools, principles, steps in alanon, are extremely awesome. I am seeing that through my changes, my A wants to actually try to get better. I read the daily readers One Day at a time in alanon and Courage to Change. Also a book that is golden is As We Understood... Going to meetings can only help you recover from the affects of alcoholism. We have the same disease, we just use people instead of a substance to not have to look at ourselves. To relieve our pain we try to concentrate on every one else (mostly our A) so we don't have to feel our own feelings. For me, thats the hardest thing, feeling my own pain. In alanon and ACOA, I am able to work on that. And yes, we do become addicted to the spouse, its that chaos that is created that causes an adrenalin rush that we are addicted to. I am addicted to adrenalin and I am working on the slogan: DON'T REACT and REMAIN CALM. When I do those things, I can feel a lot better in a lot of ways. Take care of you :) HUGS! Again, welcome and keep coming!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Youve gotten tremendous wisdom already. What I will add is that this does become more manageable when you can break it down to living one day at a time, one moment at a time. Finding gratitude in that he gets a 5 hour reprieve from jail to handle business, pick up the check which will help support you this term is a miracle. Also, being able to see him and give him a proper good bye is something to be treasured. A few days ago, this wasnt possible when they took him right away off to jail.
Please keep coming back. There is hope in the most difficult situations.
Hi and welcome to MIP! You have received some great shares already and I just wanted to greet you and let you know you have a great family of support here and in Al-anon! Keep coming back.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
