The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
its been so many years living with this disease now that i pretty much live by the steps- before i knew what they were i had come to them naturally anyway. but since ive been on here ive noticed that i needed to address my need to fix everything.
dont laugh- i know i answer all the posts here- and am hungry to fix, but i am making a pledge
ill still answer all the posts- as thats just me and im not going to stop caring- but instead of giving each and every person my absolute all- and every bit oof help and experience i can muster to help, i will take a more relaxed approach- becase giving my all and writing 20 lines on someones post isnt going to fix it
ill just cut it down, and besides...people havent even asked for my total dediction to their cause.
a while back, an on line friend of mine told me abut her daughter wh had cancer- i was there like a rock- an went through- in message form as much as yu can go through- the chemo- transplant and then lsing the fight. im not sad i got involved- i learned huge lessons- to make the mos of life- that somepeople in this world are suffering way- way more han you ever probably will and i learnt about true love- empathy and help for you fellow human being
but thats it now, im backing off.
on facebook- another one of my "friends" has her cancer back...and i find myself straight into help mode...looking up what diet is best for chemo on the internet....and then i stop.......im sorry- this isnt my fight-
the bigges thing that just beats and defies all common sense,, is that i know i wouldnt get that level of support from that person if i was in their shoes.....
is that why i do it? i wonder if i try and give everyone what ive been lacking
but the thing is- these peeps seriusly dont need me, they have numerous friends- family- more than i have got in a way. so its time for me to write my sympathy for peoples cancer- got cancer is a totaly bitch and we all owe it our awareness.....but its time for me to say- im sorry- and then leave i at that
and when i keep seeing the repeat posts "im nil by mouth" etc...im not going t jump at the bate.
is this a bit bitter? i dont want to get all bitter, i want to be a good - but by trying to give people what i have lacked...it doesnt bring it back for me. im still single mum and i still have all those years and weekends behind me when not many people on this earth cared less....to be frank.
I appreciate your being here and I would like to say that it is important for me to know that this is a fellowship of equals. We are walking this road together and share our experience, strength and hope with each other , so we can grow together. That is the best support we can do and it works.
. Knowing that each person has their own Higher Power, helps me to share and suggest an alanon tool to each poster. That keeps the recovery based in the alanon program and me focused on my own recovery
Hi there, it sounds like you have great awareness in not being able to fix or change peoples situations. Nothing wrong with that and putting that energy into you and your situations while being guided by your HP is a wonderful thing. Being bitter is a choice and maybe a stage you will go through. I went through quite a bit of sitting on the pitty pot while going through my divorce. And now I see I can make better decisions and see the great things that are working well in my life. My kids are healthy and smart and I love them soo much. I am single, but getting healthier everyday and when the timing is right I have faith I will meet Mr. Right and not settle with Mr. rightnow because I can be single and balanced now. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
i realise this is a fellow ship of equals- which is why i make sure i share my own thing too, to tell you all that i get over enthusiastic in someone elses life- because my own maybe not be busy enough isnt very pleasant for me- but cathartic! the reason why i did it though- was to make sure I stay on a level with every one else- that even though i have come a long way in recovery- as I am no longer in the middle of the sickness- i still have residue issues.....its good to accept this i think. whilst i dont want to wallow in things- its important for me to recognise I have the same vulnerabilities.....and residue stuff. so i sincerely hope i can stay on a level- keep open- keep a bit humble without being self absorbed.......lol.
Rosie, it's hard to stay focused on ourselves and helping others is a good distraction and it does feel good. We are told in AA and Alanon that you can't keep your serenity unless you give some away. You are blessed to be a person that cares, but it's healthy to recognize when we are going into martyr mode. I guess it's all an issue of balance. Stay true to yourself but recognize the healthiest way to spend your energies. (Easier said than done)
I was attending an Alanon workshop yesterday and a long time member at my table said this and I wrote it down:
Helpfulness is the friendly side of control
Today my peace and serenity comes from keeping the focus on myself and making an effort to maintaing and improving my spiritual condition with my HP. This board is an adjunct to my recovery. It is something I like to contribute just as I do in face to face meetings because I cant keep my program unless I give it away for fun and for free.
I have enjoyed your post today. Thank you for sharing.
Wow I relate so much to this. People pleasing has been a very big issue for me. The place where I have been really transformed is ironically enough around alcoholics. They'd suck the life out of me if they could. So I set up a lot of boundaries.
Maintaining them is another matter.
I am so grateful to be free of that expensive, time consuming issue.
