The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I was cleaning tonight I found an old picture of myself taken just about 8 years or so ago. Wow did I look different and more relaxed for sure.
I realized that the reason for most or all of my "depression" and crying over my exA bf not being here is more about the "lost years" than it is missing him.
Why would I "miss" someone that was pretty much indifferent toward me.
I can now either put those losses behind me and make the best "today" I can or continue to wallow in self pitty about how things turned out.... I was trying to fix or will him/ our life to be different and I don't really know why.
I've taken the "not judging" someone by their background or "issues" way to far...I think now I've realized that I can not judge someone as a person for their faults or issues and still not choose to invite those issues into my life...
I need to work on how to value my life today, not have too much "regret" for wasting all that time making bad choices and be happy with where I am and make the best of what I have....and what is to come in life. This I know in my mind and want this to travel to my heart and soul and be they way I feel.
To make new memories... honestly I feel a little like a mid life crisis girl at the moment..meaning it keeps dawning on me where I am in life and how many years I wasted.. and I know that is a useless waste of more time, must find a way to moment by moment if necessary love life as is... must pull my mind away from regret.
I don't want to be 38 again necessarily but I would like to be the best 45 I can be as soon as possible so I'm not saying the same thing again a few years down the road.
I want to enjoy every day and every moment... must send this dull drumm feeling far far away! Must focus on positives....gratitude list is in order for sure. Making new postive memories should also be helpful--any other practical ideas out there?
Thanks ... ESH is welcome especially from anyone who has just sat around waiting for someone to change instead of working on themselves ...bet there are some of you out there too.... (((smile and thanks for being here for me))))
-- Edited by glad on Saturday 17th of September 2011 12:06:14 AM
-- Edited by glad on Saturday 17th of September 2011 03:03:05 AM
-- Edited by glad on Saturday 17th of September 2011 03:09:30 AM
-- Edited by glad on Saturday 17th of September 2011 03:12:49 AM
"Why would I "miss" someone that was pretty much indifferent toward me." Boy, that says it all for me.
For me it was the hope that things would turn around, coupled with industrial-strength denial. The way you put it really makes it hit home!
Focusing on the positives while being realistic about the negatives is a real challenge for me too. I'm trying to notice when I have good moments. Like tonight I was at a bookstore with a friend and I thought, "This feels good. I feel good now." I'm trying to reclaim those little good moments and savor them, not just wait for the big high that would come with thinking someone was going to Be The Right One and Solve Everything. With my track record, staking everything on that would be a real gamble!
Don't know whether this helps at all, but just to say that your post really made me think tonight. Thanks.
Individual strength denial? Is that like when I think I need someone, when I was actually the one making everything happen. Or like when I (for some unknown reason) have felt like I "need"someone to "complete" me?
glad: Just wanted to say that sometimes I look at old pictures of me & see the change in me too. I am also 45 & never wish to be in my 30's again. I am so much more mature & wiser now.
