The material presented
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there are so many posters on this site whos loved ones are still drinking, which i think is a very painful place for all. its a big open wound that weeps all the time...so this has made me want to share a bit of my story with you....and also I confess, this site is becoming my daily fix
so if you want to listen here is this story....if you dont....i dont really blame you- its good to be busy and active-lol.
mum started drinking when i must have been a toddler- she got a divorce and my sister and I lived with her on our own. almost every day we were trapped in a nightmare... (dont cry-lol, its over now-lol) and whilst other kids were wrapped up in their beds at night with a glass of hot milk....we were struggling with what can only be described with someone who was an absolute monster. Id like to think that now a days there is more intervention on this kind of stuff.
only someone very, very sick can put their kids through hell and yet still think of their own needs and their own lives.... we could only get to bed when she had passed out and only then we could get some peace, after hours of her ranting. often her rantings would be repetitious questions to which we had to give the right answers to otherwise shed hit us over the head.
I would tell you, but it might be too familiar for some people.
anyway, a few houses later....and a new divorce and a new husband appears. we are to move in with man after meeting him only once.....and move into his stinking run down house....because my mum thought he was the solution to the over draft.
and he was- they then sold her house- bought a few other houses- and then messed the whole thing up.
so fast forward a few years....till I get to abut 13... and my mum still has these terrible ravings....the police being called.... and my mum one day drives off to an AA - she drives off completely drunk and comes back sober...and has remained sober ever since.
now there is way mre to this story- a whole book load, and it changed from raving drunk, to dry drunk wierdness......Im still trying to suss it out and why she wasnt the calm, peaceful, loving person i thought she would change to if she sobered up. Im sill baffled by this dry drunk syndrome...why alcohlism affects the brain so much and why sobriety wont allow that person to return to their former selves completely. (but this may just be my mums case...i think she must have had mental disorders on top)
but anyway....thats just what i wanted to share....
she talks about it now, and she says the trigger for her was the fact that I was due to go in for a small operation on my nose, and apparantly her husband turned round to her and said "look at you- you are drunk, whilst yur daughter is about to go into hospital"
and apparantly that one incident resonated and triggered off her recovery.
this puzzles me to this day, as there are literally thousands of incidents like this, whe she should have been ashamed and done something about it. and I- personally feel i wasnt the trigger...it cant have been me as she would have done it years ago...... but anyway, something resonated for her- something suddenly made sense, and may be she had reached her own rock bottom.
in sharing this, maybe it shows there is hope for the most hopeless of barmiest- out of control people to get sober.....and maybe it can only happen when its meant to happen. I know without a shadow of a doubt it would not have happend without AA, and yes, if i want to be dramatic I could say that AA saved her life....as she would be dead by now for sure..... she was drinking a LOT...straight vodka... bottles of it.
Thanks for trusting us and sharing your inner experiences. You have traveled a long and painful road I am so glad you found alanon and are with us today
Thank you Rosie for sharing this. This post has actually made my day a lot brighter. It's hard when living through a loved one's alcoholism to remember that there is always hope. This reminded me that there is. Hugs.
I can only tell you that I've heard similar stories at AA meetings of people getting to a point where they were willing to stop. Some do stop for a while. Others do carry on.
I am so very sorry you went through this child abuse.
My mother and father stayed married their entire adult lives (they got married late in life).
Our home was an absolute crisis every single day. They lived and breathed that till they died.
I don't doubt you have a lot of stuff to work through on your family. I spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with my family issues. ACOA can help too. There are ways to work through it so it doesn't overshadow everything. The issue is it takes time, energy and persistence. I believe you have that.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You are here, you survived and you are you. Your life is yours now and you can make of it what it is.
I have horror stories from my childhood, not as bad as yours I don't think, but bad things that scared me so much as a child. They are always there and always will be there. I can't change them, they weren't my fault, I couldn't stop them when they were happening. I hated it all. But they are gone now, just memories. I woke up today to my imperfect life, but my life, with my wife waking up to go to her AA meeting, and my beautiful 4 year old little girl and wonderfully amazing 2 year old little boy sleeping quietly in their beds. It's an imperfect life but it's mine, and I'm in control of my part of it. And I have Al Anon and my wife has AA, life changing programs that weren't there when I was a vulnerable little boy.
They call that a spiritual awakening....That moment your mom talked about. It is necessary to complete a 1st step which involves acknowledging your life is unmanageable.
