Yet  you are in the right place, welcome.

Yes this does sound very difficult. I stayed away from my brother for different reasons, but the whole thing came down to, he is toxic to me.

I believe this can happen anytime with anyone that our total self knows they are poison to our lives. So we HAVE to stay away to survive. Does not mean we don't love them, but their behavior is killing us.

What helps or one thing for me was to find me again. Get into my gardening, my volunteer love of my sanctuary of abused, neglected, abandoned rescued animals. It isn't just the animals. I learned about patience, strength, how to deal with people none of us would want to know.

I learned how to have faith in my HP that we would be ok.

I think finding our strengths and focusing on what we know is the priority for us, is how we can let others do what they are doing.

Sure I miss my dumb brother. Every once in awhile I would hunt him down. This last time I learned something horrible about him, he left the country and went to Costa Rica. Probably will never speak to him again. YES it hurts, as he was very good to Mother.

As far as your brothers girlfriend, no one can make anyone do anything. Unless she duct taped him to a chair, did up the meth and slugged him so he would breath it in....she had zero to do with it. zero. I don't care if he was stock raving drunk, it was his choice to do it, being an addict.

No one can manipulate you unless you allow it. You know it now, so it's up to you to decide how you will react when he tries it again. For me it always was just saying this,"My priority is my family."

Very glad you are here. I am sad about your brother, but he has to figure it all out himself.

hugs,debilyn

mmmm, words of wisdom? we are all in the same boat ....... but there gets to a point where enough of the guilt......

my mum is a chronic alcohlic- ive been feeling guilty since i was 6....probably even earlier...and im 40 now, so it gets to the point where you just have surrender the guilt. my mum feels guilt- we feel guilt....all of us guilty......its not good for any of us

from my experience the alcholic feels even worse guilt...if thats possible to imagine.....even though they might appear foul and uncaring....i think thats even a driving force for them to carry on drinking....but meth, thats bad stuff, you are so right to distance yourself. it really is their "rubbish" to deal with- I know it hurts us deeply- but we do actually have our own issues....as youve said yourself- yuve got financial strain....you have a 100% right to back away.......

my mums whole family have backed away......my sister (her own daughter has backed away) and my sister must have terrible tmes when she feels awful about it- but really my mum had a thoousand chances to be nice......or to make things right. im sure yur brother has had just as many chances.....

besides that meth can be so bad- there is absolutely no helping him unless he gets help himself....
my sympathies with you- its hard enough watching your brother go like this...you dont need the guilt on top of it.

xx

Dharma,

I think you are in the right place.  Welcome home, I am so glad you came.  

What really worked for me was to go to face to face alanon meetings.  It is suggested that we try six or more before making a decision whether or not alanon is for you.   I think you will find many people in the face to face rooms of alanon that understand your problems as few others could. 

Keep coming back.  We would like to get to know you better.

Respectfully Yours,

Tommye

thank you for the welcome.  I am pondering the face to face meetings, but I am a full time student, business owner and headed into bankruptcy.  If I can possibly figure out a way I will...but I may have to wait til things settle down a bit.  

I feel better today.  Sad sort of, but alive again.  Actually my brother sent an email that basically said thank you he feels a weight lifted off him.  And wished me well.  I did not answer as I know his propaganda.  The "weight" is that no one around him now expects him to live up to his potential.  He will have to hit bottom.  I will have to move on.  Only this time I intend to educate and train myself so Im not just running away again.

It's not very often you find a place where people are there for you...but I'm glad google sent me to you all.

Blessings!

I come from a family of dysfunctional very ill people.  My younger sister is an alcoholic. She's also probably an anorexic, bulemic.  My older sister is a bully. 

I've gone many years without talking to them.  I have spent time trying to interact with them but after a while decided it was too hard on me.  I had to spent a lot of time grieving that.

I think the most important thing is that we have limits.  I had none in my life.  Al anon helped me to get some.  I have goals now.  Those goals are important to me. My whole identity was once about helping others.

I'm glad you have found al anon.

 

Maresie.