The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi - It's my first time on a forum like this, actually it's my first time making any sort of contact with alanon. My husband is no longer in the family home due to his drinking and today was the day from hell. I have been left in a bit of a mess with the finances and felt so ashamed when I had to phone the bank to explain my situation. The man was totally unsympathetic and I came home and cried, which is not a good thing as I have two kids. Anyway, there must be hope out there and I thought it would be good to hear other people's experiences who are further down the road than me!
Yesterday was my first post here,,,I've been a lurker for a very long time. My husband was recently diagnosed with cirrhosis and a long story short an after 3 belly drainings he is back home, not drinking but the symptoms of his disease are still here and very strong. As you, we have financial trouble due to his disease,,,,he quit his job 3 years ago (we also lost our health insurance and neither of us have any at this time) and left me with working and paying the bills which includes a house pymt of almost 800 a month. To which he doesn't care if anything gets paid or if we have a house to live in. Everyday is like treading water for me, on top of dealing with my AH, his hateful attitude, I'm left to do all the things he promsed to help me with when we got married. I know that feeling of having to call a bill collector, a bank and tell them or at least try to explain to them why I can't make a payment or it was late. I do it all, I pay the bills, I clean the house, I walk and feed the animals, I cook, I work and yet if something doesn't get done or something goes unpaid guess who fault it is,,,me. I'm new to all of this and I'm very thankful to have such kind people say such kind things. Maybe one day I'll have that great happy life I've always dreamed of. Maybe. Hang in there,,,,,it sounds like we found the right place to come to.
Yesterday was my first post here,,,I've been a lurker for a very long time. My husband was recently diagnosed with cirrhosis and a long story short an after 3 belly drainings he is back home, not drinking but the symptoms of his disease are still here and very strong. As you, we have financial trouble due to his disease,,,,he quit his job 3 years ago (we also lost our health insurance and neither of us have any at this time) and left me with working and paying the bills which includes a house pymt of almost 800 a month. To which he doesn't care if anything gets paid or if we have a house to live in. Everyday is like treading water for me, on top of dealing with my AH, his hateful attitude, I'm left to do all the things he promsed to help me with when we got married. I know that feeling of having to call a bill collector, a bank and tell them or at least try to explain to them why I can't make a payment or it was late. I do it all, I pay the bills, I clean the house, I walk and feed the animals, I cook, I work and yet if something doesn't get done or something goes unpaid guess who fault it is,,,me. I'm new to all of this and I'm very thankful to have such kind people say such kind things. Maybe one day I'll have that great happy life I've always dreamed of. Maybe. Hang in there,,,,,it sounds like we found the right place to come to.
Thanks Woodenships for your words of encouragement. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I know what you mean about your husband being sober, but the symptoms still being strong. I had to ask my husband to leave 2 weeks ago, as I couldn't cope with his behaviour and try to stay OK for the kids. Part of me felt ashamed today when I had to call the bank and part of me was shocked to see how society can be so cold at times towards such a situation. I know deep down that I try my very best in difficult circumstances. It does sound like we have come to the right place for support. I have often heard about the 12 steps, but am unsure how to put them into practice.
have you considered debt advice? i am a single mum and had debts- just bills i couldnt pay- it all got on top of me- but i saw debt advice- but im in england so i dont know america.....and i paid for a debt relief order (an affordable version of debt relief) it was £80- the solicitor wrote everything down on the sheet- i took it to the post office and paid the money- it got sent off- the next day it came back and everything was wiped off- it gives you a chance to start a fresh with a clean slate but of course you need correct advice- i didnt own a house or any anything- i think if you have a mortgage it gets complicated.
I have found through my 16 year single parenthood- that its been amazingly tough- boy is it- but i always seem to survive and get through it. once you deal with debts- through an affordable payment plan (you cant pay what you havent got) or through any other means- youl eventually be better off wont you? you are starting a better life- this is a good thing isnt it?
have you considered debt advice? i am a single mum and had debts- just bills i couldnt pay- it all got on top of me- but i saw debt advice- but im in england so i dont know america.....and i paid for a debt relief order (an affordable version of debt relief) it was £80- the solicitor wrote everything down on the sheet- i took it to the post office and paid the money- it got sent off- the next day it came back and everything was wiped off- it gives you a chance to start a fresh with a clean slate but of course you need correct advice- i didnt own a house or any anything- i think if you have a mortgage it gets complicated.
I have found through my 16 year single parenthood- that its been amazingly tough- boy is it- but i always seem to survive and get through it. once you deal with debts- through an affordable payment plan (you cant pay what you havent got) or through any other means- youl eventually be better off wont you? you are starting a better life- this is a good thing isnt it?
Hi Rosielee - I live in the UK and am on a DMP, started when I was still living with my husband. However, I had built up more debt due to his drinking habits and am also trying to get these paid asap. I own a house and the debt management plan I am on still means I pay the debts, but at a reduced rate. My mortgage payments and bills are up-to-date, but it's things like the odd cheque bouncing and especially paying the extra debts that stress me out. Also I get into a state if I have to contact the bank or creditors about issues - not the most understanding of people
I wanted to welcome you both to the forum. This is a great place where some people here are in 12 step programs, some are not. Please keep that in mind. This forum is not part of Alanon but there are many of us here that are members of the Alanon program where we are encouraged to share from our experience, strength and hope of the program. Giving advice is discouraged.
So please stick around and get to know us awhile. We love to hear more from you both. Keep coming back!
Hi there and welcome, it definitely sounds like you have found the right place here at MIP. I want to give you some encouragement and say since I started going to Al-anon meetings, found a sponsor and started the 12 steps my life has become considerably easier. My attitude towards everything is better and now being a single Mom raising my 2 kids is a joy even with hardships at times. I have handed over so much to my HP that was weighing me down. I made some hard decisions that I lived in fear to make for many years and when I faced those fears and moved through them it wasn't near as traumatic as I had envisioned. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Just wanted to write a quick welcome to you. You sound like someone with a lot of strength and a lot of love for your family. I'm sorry for what you're going through and think it's wonderful you've reached out for support. You're most welcome here! You're right that most people who haven't been there don't understand, but I think you will find a lot of understanding, experience, support and hope here.
I'd sure encourage you to learn more about Alanon and work through the steps yourself. I haven't been at this very long, but am already seeing huge positive (though sometimes painful) changes in my life.
