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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Self-focus
Post Info TOPIC: Self-focus
youfoundme


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Self-focus
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In alanon we are taught about advice giving and trying to orchestrate other people's lives.  It is said that to do that takes away from ourselves and our self-focus. 

March 25th in Courage to Change really struck me today.  The line "to listen, not just with my ears, but also with my heart..." really sticks out for me as I am beginning to do the steps.  I am working on step 3 and really remembering that I am powerless over everyone else but me.  I really can't make anyone do what I think they should do.  I shouldn't should on anyone else.  I haven't walked in their shoes.  So now, when someone talks to me, I am working on allowing them to just speak.  Thats the joy I am finding in alanon.  I can share at meetings and know that I am not going to be bombarded with advice.  There are some people who may say something to me after the meetings "oh, don't do it, don't live with an active A, its terrible..." but that just tells me that they are not working their own program because they are telling me what to do...

If I apply the principles of alanon and work the steps in my life, I am finding that I can have serenity whether he drinks or not.  I can live with joy, peace and happiness in my life no matter what.  I am beginning to see that I have to live life on life's terms....

The other line on that page that sticks out to me talks about how when I feel like I want to get into something that isn't my business, I am becoming able to look at myself instead and figure out what I need to do to give myself care and self-focusing.  I can only make myself better, not anyone else. 

I have to be the change I want to see in the world...  :) 



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Pushka


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Hugs Girlfriend you go :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
GailMichelle


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You're getting it! And we when change for the better, get in touch with our innate goodness, we can't help but spread that goodness. So I can see how self-care is not selfish.

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youfoundme


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Thanks ladies :) It is so true, spreading the love really makes me feel self-less, but also full of self-care :)

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maresie


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Wow that last paragraph is gripping.  I know when I want to get to sort people out that I am experiencing loneliness and desperation a lot of the time.

I also think personally now living around addicts and alcoholics the constant crisis is real real wearing.  They need to keep everything all askew in order to justify their using.

Maresie.



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maresie
Debilyn


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Yep yep, its great to find that thru all the bolony of the disease huh? You are going to feel even better soon!! So many things are going to "sink" in! Just about said skink in, yikes what a thought!

Anyway YAY!!!!! And after my retching out my vent, this was perfect to read!

hugs,debilyn



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youfoundme


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Maresie: hmmm....I hear ya... I can also say that when I focus on my alanon work, steps, meetings etc, I begin to see that I can get better with self care... My HP is guiding me through... :) I am a work in progress... little by little, I get better :) I am grateful to be here :)

Debilyn :) Thanks as always :)

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Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Doozy


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YFM,

Thanks for your post, such wonderful thoughts to consider. I do love that freedom of the meetings just to share and not be bombarded with advice or directives! I love this little train of comments too, just reminds me again how much I like this board. Debilyn and her skink! :)

I'm still having a tough time figuring out what's my business and what's not - it's pretty funny sometimes, but I DO pay attention and catch myself now!! Progress!!!

~ Doozy

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rosielee


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excellent post! you are right- advice giving is just short sighted but is born out of a desire to help. but in actual fact doesnt help! so you end up doing the opposite of hat you intended.
i am trying to follow that principle too- but im trying to share my story instead - so people can maybe benefit from it- or not benefit from it-


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rosie
youfoundme


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Doozy: I agree, it is hard to figure out where I end and where someone else begins. I can say that I am learning that little by little. :)

Rosielee: Yes, sharing my story is what I hope benefits another, to hear "oh this is what it was like for me" I am doing this with my kids now too, if an issue comes up, I can share with them what I did, my experience strength and hope...

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
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