The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Had a good run for about a month, and then the evil twin showed up. I knew as soon as I got home from work that my AH was on a rant. Verbal jabs hidden under the guise of 'just kidding', trying to get me to respond to negative comments meant to start an argument. I did well in simply not responding, went about my night, was pleasant to him (even though his goal was for me to respond to him unpleasantly), finally got all the way to bed and he started to lecture me on laundry techniques (what they will grasp at is amazing).
My newest technique when he is ranting is to imagine him holding a mirror in front of himself, thus all the crap he is spewing he is really spewing to himself. While not reacting is hard this seems to be helping to remind me who the rant is really directed at. I slept well (something a year ago I wouldn't have been able to do) and this morning he seems to be back on track. Just felt like a good morning to share. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
That is a great way to work the program and use your tools Surfgirl :) HUGS! Its funny you posted this because for me, when my qualifier is trying to push my buttons, I have realized his part in it is that he wants some drama (addicted to chaos too) and is trying to get me to join him. I have learned to do just as you say here, go about my business, do my thing, and wait out the storm. Don't react and remain calm.
I love your share, you said it all! Great awareness and I love the mirror technique, huh, I will have to work on that one :) I know if I do feed into the drama, it doesn't feel good, so for me, staying out of it works :) Thanks so much! Love this topic ;)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I live surrounded by alcoholics sometimes. I am hyperaware they are incredibly critical of everyone but themselves. I try not to play into it. With a "partner" that's a hard one.
great strategy! i totally agree- what extents they will go to,
my mum will make up problems abut myself even when there isnt. if i was wearing a long skirt- shed say i should wear a short one. if i wore a short one- shed of course say a long would be better
so there is no getting ahead. in fact many times ive caught her out and found that its just plain bad- sucking awful behaviour- she asked me to drive her to the beach- bearing in mind im not married to her (lol) me taking her to the beach was intended t take her out so she had company- youd think shed try really hard to be nice so i would take her out again. she asked me to drive slow as she was a nervous passenger- so i drove slow and very careful- at some times i was driving 15 miles per hour- any slower and i w0uld have been a danger on the country road- she made up and invented possible danger scenario- putting her foot down on pretend brakes, "slower! give way!" I saw through it all- especially when shes admitted in the past that she does this a lot to her husband- to wind him up
why?
ive sussed out over the years- that in my mums case it stems from chronic anxiety....thats the official psychologists take on it- my own take on it- is basically bad behaviour that hasnt been addressed - but- im just as much in the dark with it all- no one has the answers.
That visual has helped me in the past too. My second favorite is to say the serenity prayer over and over so as to not react to the situation. Typically I can expect such behavior from my son when he is tired after school. Being able to be detached yet loving in the face of fire takes practice. Keeping it simple when I respond to such behavior is key for me too.
