How to respons to my son - Al-Anon Family Group

PrincessPeriwinkle · Member

How to respons to my son

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Princess

Living with this disease we all become infected. Your son has been affected by the disease of alcoholism. Please suggest alanon face to face meetings and this Borad to hm, it might save is sanity and life. Offer him the tools that we use and let him know that there is a world of people out ther who understand .

If you do not want to give him the money just be honest and say how you feel and what you believe.

PrincessPeriwinkle · Member

Thank you, Betty, for your quick reply. I have tried all that you suggested.

My son attended a couple of Al-Anon meetings, went to a couple of counseling sessions, and I've sent him Al-Anon literature. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with him . . . he is just trying to be a "good" guy and "save" his marriage. No matter how badly she treats him, physically, mentally and emotionally, he just seems to keep slogging along. He cannot see that she is using him. Our family is shocked because my son would not let anyone else treat him so badly.

rrib · Senior Member

If she was unwilling to take rehab seriously, maybe some jail time would help her. They assign public defenders for people who cannot afford an attorney.

Hope your son finds help in Al-Anon.

rosielee · Senior Member

ever heard of tough love? sometimes- if you love someone you have to do something that really hurts you but will benefit your son- would giving him the money benefit him in the long run?

not really- as its not for a sensible- viable cause.

i hope he manages to find the light- im sure he will do- a bit of tough love might speed up the process?

its your call.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Learning that the word NO is a complete sentence took awhile for me , no explanations needed , no lectures on why not .. just NO

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

The definition of insanity comes to mind (for son). "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result". Unless the A requires a medical detox, is there a reason she can't go to AA daily? It's free.

We all know we can't "make them sober". No amount of money or rehab will work until the A wants it. The same goes for your son. I think most can relate to where his mindset is though. He too will have to find his bottom.

It's hard to help those that won't help themselves and saying "no" is definately an option.

Christy

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hugs first.

Then just ask him,"Which attorney should I sign the check to?"

hugs,deb

PrincessPeriwinkle · Member

Thank you all for some very good suggestions. Your responses have been very helpful in dealing with this impending situation.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Just an opinion...but it's not the signs of an alcoholic he is showing: It's a blazing codependency and enabling and that disease pattern can look similar because many alcoholics have serious underlying codependency issues...BUT so do nonalcoholics.

I'm only saying this because Alanon and CoDA probably offer more help to deal with these issues than him or you thinking his problem stems from some form of alchohic thinking or behavior. It may help to treat a situation when you better define it.

PrincessPeriwinkle · Member

TO: PINKCHIP - Blazing is a perfect word. It's like the fires in Texas . . . it just keeps on desroying, and getting it under control is a monumental task. Have not heard of CoA.

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