good things - Al-Anon Family Group

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

good things

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Great post Linda...Had I not learned to see the good in my alcoholic/addict also I'd still be wandering around out in the desert talking to jack rabbits and rattle snakes. No they are not all bad...God don't make junk (Early Al-Anon affirmation). You have found a silver lining. The using clouds and cracks the picture alot. Keep turning this good guy over to your HP. ((((hugs)))) smile

hawaiilover · Senior Member

Linda,

This is a good contrast. I also agree with you in that my Ah has some good qualities that I often overlook. My disease gets in my way of acknowledging his good qualities. Yet, he is a loving, caring, nurturing hubby. He enjoys cooking whenever time permits. He is a handyman around our home. Thanks for highlighting the possitives. It is good to see that as well.

Thanks for sharing.

Hawaii

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Addiction is not selective. People of all kinds are affected. From the nicest people in the world to the lowest losers.

I often spoke here of my sweet husband. It killed me to see what he was going thru,how much he lost from the brain surgery back to being a full blown and worse mess.

To have our loved one go from the person they are into the hands of their disease is a slow horrible process until they are all gone.

I am so glad you see the wonderful person your husband still is. My experience is with pot it seems to take a bit longer maybe. But they still lose jobs, homes dui's, their brains and bodies are compromised.

Hugs and so glad you are a part of us now. love,debilyn

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

You've got an excellent list there. Keep it in mind often. I find when I focus on the positive, I'm happier. They say that what you think on expands. I'm a believer!

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I know a few people who are addicted to pot. They have good qualities too.

I was thinking this morning how when I met the ex A he was on "top", good job, place to live, friends, happy go lucky.

Underneath that were all these decades of problems he had not dealt with. He had issues with his mother, his father had died recently, his long time girlfriend had split up with him and married someone else immediately.

I over identified with his problems and focused on the good.

For me personally I have to have the big picture. My idea of a partnership was how could I "fix" someone rather than how could I work with them.

The ex A did plenty to help me with my charactor defects. In many ways he encouraged them. It gave thim control over me. Over time, with him, they got worse I went "off" more, I was more depressed. I was suicidal at times. I couldnt' work at certain times either because of depression. He didn't deal with his health issues, neither did I. I ended up having severe health problems, so did he. His were brought on by his addiction, mine by neglect.

The big thing that the ex A could do best was to "charm". He could charm the birds off the trees. One dentist who he worked for thought he was a "fantastic guy". He could appear affable, sweet, caring and committed. As he was addicted to drugs he was actually none of those things. He loved someone one moment and hated them the next. When he was loving someone it was all roses and great. When he hated them they were completely awful and never had a good moment.

I think its great to be positive. Denial is a huge issue for me. I can't afford to be in denial anymore at all.

Maresie.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I like this post Linda. It's hard to me to see the whole person sometimes when addiction is the main focus of discussion. People are complex and your husband does sound like a wonderful and sweet person that has a problem with weed (though he doesn't seem to think it's a problem).

What you just did was a gratitude list basically and that is a common practice in 12 step programs to stay in a positive mind frame. You are progressing and growing really well. I am impressed.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

This is such a great post. Sometimes it's so easy to differentiate between the person and the disease. You really put his qualities as a person out there - and they are such good qualities! It's so hard when most of us first get here to see the good qualities because the disease and our own pain gets in the way. It shows such tremendous growth that you're able to look beyond the disease and see the good parts. :)

oldgraduate · Senior Member

Linda, this is a great post. Thanks for sharing. It brough to my mind the fact that I don't want to be judged only on my failures and flaws. So... if I want to be forgiven for things said in a heated arguement, bad judgement or negativity, perhaps I should also be forgiving my AH for those things. And also I should be focusing on the talents and characteristics of my AH that caused me to love him in the first place. He is smart, inquisitive and focused. He is friendly to all people. He is devoted to family. He is a great breadwinner and friend. And the things he isn't are just as important because of what I need in my life. He is not a sports addict, he is not a male chauvenist (sp?) and he is not a hypochondriac. so, we can all find something to be thankful for in our lives, can't we!

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Love this Linda :) I could say much the same for my A. Thanks for bringing it back here :)

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Linda,

I love hearing all of the wonderful attributes of your husband. I can see so many reasons why you love him. Thank you for taking the time to share them with us today.

T

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

thanks guys. shucks
(she says rubbing sand in toe)

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