The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i have a question that may seem a little unusual...ok, maybe it's just fear, but nonetheless i'm not sure how to approach this. i know f2f meetings would be good for me, however, i have a bit of a conflict of interest. in my line of work, i deal with many, many people in recovery (isn't there an old saying "those who can't, teach." ?) many of whom are acoa and attend al-anon themselves. al-anon mtgs are very limited in my area, (i think there's 2 i could actually attend) and i know i would have that contact outside of the professional relationship that may compromise things. i realize that it's all confidential, but opening up about my personal life isn't something i'm comfortable with because of the setting that i work in. any suggestions on being able to work with a sponsor outside of that setting?
you've all encouraged me to get to f2f meetings, and it is definitely something i want to do, but i feel stuck on how to handle the situation of personal crossing over into professional. i know that if it helps even a fraction of how much this forum has in this short time i've been connected, then i have hope.
I like people who walk the walk they talk. Someone else said they had similar issue that way and I'm not sure how it all worked out. If I saw someone who had said to me go to alanon and they were a counselor, probation officer or dr whatever I would have a LOT more respect for the person, because I know they would get what I was talking about. You don't have to share intimately at a meeting and getting a sponsor, that person keeps everything confidential. So what you share and how is totally up to you, you have control over that aspect of things.
I hope that helps :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
My AH and I saw a marriage counselor specializing in addiction for about a year for a couple of problems we were having. The counselor was an addict himself, which I thought gave him more credibility in the subject matter. I was always wary of counselors that could give advice from a book that never personally experienced something I was having a problem with. In my mind at least, having a counselor that was human made me feel better about being human too. In fact, when the counselor relapsed and then came clean with us in one of our sessions and gave us the option of getting a referral from him instead of continuing treatment, I had an even greater amount of respect. I've learned that I respect people that are REAL waaaay more than I respect people who are perfect - which is new and different for me, since before the program I only wanted perfection.
In Alanon, we take anonymity seriously, just as in AA meetings. In doing this, it means that nobody is above humanness, nobody is supposed to be better or have a higher status, higher expectations are not placed on anyone, and people's outside jobs and financial status does not matter. In fact, in the majority of the meetings I've ever been to, people might mention work or a work problem but don't give great detail about what they do. In this way, we all feel comfortable and equal. Nobody is greater than or less than.
Also, there is no advice giving permitted. There should not be a problem with personal crossing over into your professional advice-giving capacity. We all just share our own experience, strength, and hope.
Hope this helps...I don't see why your professional career should negatively impact your desire to seek help for yourself.
I am in the exact same boat as you. Ihave decided at this point in time, I don't want my clients seeing me a crying ball of a mess, and then having an appointment with me the folllowing week. Personally I feel some self disclosure is great when in a professional setting. If I were further along in my healing, and I know I would not become a blubbering mess crying that I have no idea what I am doing.... then I would be more inclined to attend.
for now, I am waiting for my position to change which looks like it may happen in the next couple of months, then at least I know I can go and the people there will not be current clients that I have to see the following week. When it was I who suggested they go to Al Anon in the first place....
The real honest word was "fear". I was a behavioral health therapist in a large multi-level in and out rehab program and was attending Al-Anon before I got qualified and hired to work there. My sponsor warned me from a different angle..."remember you don't get to sell (because of the income) a 12th step." The program is spiritual and not clinical and I have always remembered that. I am also a believer with those who "walk" the "talk". At home we have visitors at open meeting who come from colleges and from various positions related to the disease; nurses, clinical SWs and others from legal depts. of the state and county. Open meetings are open meetings and often times we see those we know and they us it isn't a big issue if I don't make it one...that's called facing the fear or acknowledging that what I am fearful of isn't a real issue. Confidentiality and anonymity protect everyone and even at times when mine was busted it still came out for the better when I didn't faint and go away. Thank God for the program and the confidence it builds in the membership.
All I can say is "me too" to all the encouraging responses you received.... I ran into a few people I knew at Al-Anon meetings, and believe that we respect each other more, not less, as a result.... being 'real' is a huge part of not only our recovery, but also a help in whatever profession we are in....
Hope you go in, head held high, and get the recovery for you, regardless of who is in the same room at the time...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Sharing your personal life is not required. You will know when that time comes. On the other hand finding a chair an listening to others members share......their experience, strength, and hope is what worked for me. The old adage "listen and learn" without saying a word for several meetings held true for me. That was my choice and it can be yours also. HP gave us two ears and only one mouth for good reason.
Anyone in the Al-Anon program will respect you more, not less, because they will understand you as perhaps no one else can. By taking care of yourself first and starting your recovery you will be more able to take care of others who depend on you as part of their recovery.
The most important thing is to do the next right thing for you, whatever that entails.
You're cheating yourself out of a good thing if you avoid meetings for the reason you stated. I do understand why you are reluctant. However, I have found that when someone attends that I know outside of the group, we do have a lot of respect for each other (as Tom & RCL pointed out).
I would suggest listening the first few times around. I observe how some longtime members are very tactful in their shares. They don't specifically state who their qualifer is. That is, they won't say "my husband" or "my daughter." They will refer to the alcoholic in their lives as their "qualifiers." Also, they don't give details. It's very interesting to observe the longtimers; most are good role models.
Again, don't cheat yourself! Get to a meeting and see for yourself :)
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I have to agree with Tom, RLC, Jerry, Gailmichelle, Pushka and White Rabbit... I have been to enough meetings to see that you don't share intimate details, you can say quilifier, and you share how you are doing, not how "they" are doing (the qualifier). That is what alanon is for, the meetings are to come and listen, learn the tools and the apply the tools and find the spirituality. When I share, its now about what I am doing not what my qualifier is doing. I also heard said that you share with your sponsor the intimate stuff and share with the meeting the changes you are making in regards to the topic at hand.... :) I have seen plenty of people at meetings (even the ex-mayor of a town) that I *knew* and it made me respect the person, that they were there for help and support and spirituality, just as I was... HUGS! Try a few meetings, its anonomous after all :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
A funny story I read once about a Dr. who was an Alcoholic. He knew he needed help, but put off going to AA for a very long time because he lived in a small community. He finally went, to be greeted by a bunch of his patients who said, "We were wondering when you'd get here."
What I have seen at AA and AlAnon is that people take the Anonymity of it very seriously. Both programs are filled with good people who genuinely care about each other. At a first meeting (or any meeting for that matter), there are NO expectations on you to talk or share..... Simply sit and listen if it feels right.
i have a question that may seem a little unusual...ok, maybe it's just fear, but nonetheless i'm not sure how to approach this. i know f2f meetings would be good for me, however, i have a bit of a conflict of interest. in my line of work, i deal with many, many people in recovery (isn't there an old saying "those who can't, teach." ?) many of whom are acoa and attend al-anon themselves. al-anon mtgs are very limited in my area, (i think there's 2 i could actually attend) and i know i would have that contact outside of the professional relationship that may compromise things. i realize that it's all confidential, but opening up about my personal life isn't something i'm comfortable with because of the setting that i work in. any suggestions on being able to work with a sponsor outside of that setting? 
