The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Typo there, but I think it means when something happens opposite to what you expsected, Alanon has taught me this, and it's helped me to see that the things that I thought were my defects can actually be my assets, I just have to twiggle them a little bit is all, I spent a huge huge part of my life feeling worthless, I always believed everything anyone said without question, I used to be very angry and have had behavoural problems, I don't think a day would go by without me taking to heart something someone said, or did to me and taking it personally, I would just think and think and think about it, trying to use my will to put it right, lol How could I though? but I just hadn't learnt not only couldn't I, but I didn't have too, what people say to me is not about me at all but all about them, when I write here, it's not about anyone but me, feelings are not facts, and learning to feel them and know what they mean is helping no end, getting to know me, and leaving everyone else alone, yay, when I get busy I get better.
It's just not all about Alanon, but Alanon makes me look at life back to front, for me it's Prozac, oil of evening primrose, and now my latest soya isoflavones, to try to stop the hot flushes, anyone that lives with addicts and addiction, and that includes me too both sides, for sure you have to be strong, you wouldn't survive any of it without immense strength, so I am now enetering the change of life doooodoooodo do, and I welcome it, Alanon has taught me how to apply strength to myself, new peeps might come here and read this and think, it's alright for her, or that i just got it, I know It certainly didn't happen that way for me and I had those thoughts too, I didn't know myself at all until alanon, I thought I knew everyone else though, what a shock to descover if only I could apply my martyrdom to myself, I had so many justifications why this wouldn't happen to me, how could I change?, just how? Listening to suggetions, and chosing some to practice, getting it wrong and falling even harder much of the time, but then a wonderful thing started to happen, I began to feel my feelings, and recognise them, I was not numb and blind anymore and I have choices and help, they say to keep it you have to give it away, I say to keep it yo have to give it back, see thats the same thing but I am still me and I have to put my own spin on things, thats the addict in me, I am the hot controller, soon to be with these soya tablets the cool controller, fingers crossed.
