The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been working 4 part time jobs all Summer long, I slow down work wise this Fall just because that is how the work comes and goes where I live. And I know I will make it another couple weeks. I am still reading my daily reader's which keep my attitude good and at night I am reading a book written by my sponsor which is easy reading and is helpful.
I have been basically the only parent taking my 13 year old to guitar, soccer, Church youth events and she babysits her 3 year old sister for me to work. My exAH lives close, but only has the girls 2 days a week in which he wants to do no running them around. My 13 year old has pulled back from staying at his house the 2 nights and we are letting her decide at this point where she wants to be. She doesn't ever go to my exAH's parents house anymore when invited, I think because I have pulled back from the crazy train.
I am active in my community and have weekly Al-anon meetings, rescue squad meetings, fundraising events for my 8th grader, I meet with my sponsor 1 night a week for my step work.
With how busy I am I have isolated myself from my friends and daily walks or any regular exercise at all. I know I am not taking care of myself the way I should, but I also know the end is in site. Just wondering if anyone can relate to this. Since I have been divorced I have noticed I have become preoccupied with the idea of dating. I talked to my sponsor about being so busy and she said I am doing what I have to do, so I felt good about it, but I have a major case of the blah's the last few days. I really think it's because I know it's coming to an end. I am a creature of habit and routine, but my life has been anything but that.
I have been going like this for awhile and I am just exhausted. I am finding myself crabby with my 3 year old very easily and well she is a toddler, it is a frustrating age. I know I am not ready to date and have talked to my sponsor about it and she says not to act on it, and I will know when the time is right. I have been working a good program and I am feeling better about myself. I feel healthier than ever and I am being a good Mom for the most part. I don't question myself near as much as I once did. So why do I feel like I am slipping?
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I read your post and I hear a new chapter in healing starting for you so just go with the flow. I"m sure some of your feelings are the need for selfcare. I bet when you get some real rest and can look at where you are now you are going to blow yourself away at how far you have come!!!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
sometimes it would be REALLY nice having someone doing it with you, right?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Wow you certainly are Breakingfree. I hear all your recovery and all the work you are doing for your children, the community, jobs, home and your recovery.
I think it would be helpful if you also include a little fun for yourself, A manicure, a night out with the girls a movie, coffee, bike ride, hike. It only takes a little time to be nice to yourself each day and I found that helped me to find the joy and happiness that was all around .
Sure dating will be fun when you are ready I agree with your sponsor that you will know when you are ready. I know I trusted HP to move it all into place and 3 years after my husband passed i started a relationship with a non alcoholic . This relationship is still going today 25 years later.
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Be gentle with yourself you are working hard and you will receive the reward.
When I find myself in times like you describe here, I realize I need to take it easy for a bit. I take a hot bath, or read, or just do nothing. Maybe some self care is in order... HUGS! You are doing great!!! Keep coming and sharing !
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I would feel like I was slipping with 4 jobs and 2 kids too. That is just a lot of responsibility and juggling many things at once. Hats off to you. Treat yourself well.
Thanks for the replies. I guess I am missing out on the fun of life right now. I do need to take a break and I so plan on it after this weekend. And yes likemyheart, I do want someone to spend time with, but this time for the right reasons not to have someone make me happy or complete me, I am complete and feel balanced and happy. I used to have a girlfriend that came to visit me and we would go on walks a lot, but now she was blessed with a baby and she is super busy obviously. I just get lonesome for company and everyone is either too busy in this season or I have pulled back due to red flags. So I will wait for the next season which is literally right around the corner and try to find joy in the simple things. I will again hand myself over to my HP and watch him fill my needs. Thanks all.
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
It sounds like you are doing a great job taking care of those you love, and taking care of yourself can be really hard especially when you're in a negative space mentally. I can really relate to how you are feeling, the anxiety level and that void you can't seem to heal. I am really hoping to be out in nature and have some quiet time to just be me without all the drama. I hope you get there too, take some personal time to give yourself some TLC--baths, positive reading materials, pet therapy and alas the excercise you have been depriving yourself of :) I am hoping to do the same. I recommend "The Tao of Pooh" if you are wanting something light-hearted and enlightening.
