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Welp.... Currently My Life has Started to breathe a New Way of Living, and it is Non Stop- Balls to the Wall- Wide Open... I Have so Much To be Thankful for, So Much to be Grateful for, and yet still have these desires to just Disappear sometimes and Hide from it all...
My Sons Schedule went from 3 days a week to 6, and believe me I am NOT Complaining about his acheivements, He has Worked Very Hard to Get were he is, & I Couldn't be Prouder of him, but it is wearing me out...I have seen him go from Boy to Young Man Over Night, and he is Taking it in Stride, (I Should Really Learn from Him This Gift)... :) Trying to get him from point A to Point B 6 days a week without exception... Thank Goodness for a Dear Friend of Mine that Has been a True Blessing and at least Keeps me from having to leave work Everyday early to Drop off... So I Have alot to be Thankful for...
I was Stressing over the up and Coming weekend, Have alot of plans and Shuffling to do to make sure everyone is were they are meant to be, at times I feel the "Control" bug Coming back ,and I have to Step back and let the cards fall as they may...So as Not to Drive myself Completely Crazy... I Pray we will have a Great time Out of Town, and that My Son will enjoy his Time away with his Nanny as well... My Mom has always been there for me as An Adult, and I Still have days were I sit on the Pity Pot and Wish she could have been availible in my Growing up, but understand NOW her Need to Support us Kids and knowing how hard it is with one, I know now why raising three... She had to take on 3 jobs...
I Guess My Current Funk has alot to do with some of My Dear Friends as Well Going thru some Terrible times, one just lost her Son to the Disease of Addiction/Alcohol and he was her only child and she is devistated of course, and I know all I can do is be here when she is ready to talk... and I have another that has been going thru a Living HELL with their Current Situation with their A/addict... I Know all I can Do is Ask God to Look over over them and Keep them Safe, but at the same time, the Cody in my Wants to Jump in the car Track them Down and Just Give them a Huge Hug... The One wouldn't be to big a Stretch to do, the other lives hours away :( I Know that there is Nothing I Can Do to Control or Change their Situation but it don't help me stop worring about them, they are So Dear to Me, and Have been a Blessing to me since I have known them so I guess what I am Really Feeling is Complete & total Helplessness... Erritating Really....
I sat down Yesterday to do a "Spirit, Mind & Body Check" and Frankly... ALL are on ZERO... My Spirit has been Drowned by Rain, and Dispare, My Mind has been in Every direction except for were I need it to function, and my body, WELL I Forgot I had one till I just mentioned that...lol... So Yeah... have Some Much Needed "Al-Anon Theropy" to do... And I haven't been able to make a meeting in over a week :( Always seems to get me that way...
One of the Ladys from my Home Group Called me the other day and said "I Was Just Calling to Check on You Girl & Hear your Voice!" and that just made my Heart Sing, I am So Grateful I got to take that Call... it has been the only Call in weeks that wasn't Negative, bad News, or just down right horrifing to listen too...I know that sound bad, but if I was to go into great detail, its Astounding Really the "Crappenings" around Me! ...
I Did however get some GREAT News about my Sister They Removed her Feeding Tube yesterday, and she has been able to keep down Ginger ale, and TODAY they are going to see if She can Keep REAL food Down... She is Fighting So Hard to get Home to her baby (Months old) , and her dear Mom has been out there with her, for 3 weeks straight & wont leave her Side... There is GOOD in My Family, It is Just a Shame Tragity has to strike before it is acknowledged... or Seen... So That is My HIGH Note for the Rest of The Week.. She Maybe Finally Coming home to her Family were she belongs... I Couldn't be happier...
I am At the "Easy Does it" stage right now, and doing my Best to stay "Right HERE... Right NOW" instead of Projecting what will & could happen tomorrow...I currently have managed to have myself a Nervous Wreck about the the "Crappening" and it appears as tho "Hives" has entered my life for now, So I am Praying that by the time the Weekend events Come I will Find a Calm that will make them just Stop wanting me to dig my face off...
I Thank HP Everyday for the Love & Support I have found Here with my Close Friends & Family that are True to me & my well being, and without coming here, reading your ESH, & Upsides & Downsides, I would most likely be that crazy person I was Years Before Drowning my Sorrows in a Big Fat Bottle of RUM! BUT.... Because of all of you I have been 10 months Alcohol FREE Longest I have EVER Went without a drink since I was 12 yrs old... Now thats Something.... At least for Me... So Thank You All for Your Gift of Encouragement, that most of you didn't even know you gave me
Doing my Best to Leave it to HP, and find my Way back to a More Sane Kind of Living, Praying Someday That will come with Ease, Balance & Grace.. Once More...
Thanks for Letting me Share... And Always ... Thanks For Listening :0)
thanks for the postive post. It was uplifting to see your progress and your HP's good works. I have been really negative lately here on the boards, so I am trying to pull back and keep it positive. I too have to remember to keep it simple!
Congrats to your son on his wonderful achievements man they do grow fast don't they??
I fully understand the wanting to hide from it all, it takes so much courage to face the difficulties of life. Your post is such a wonderful testament of working your program and being in the here and now vs the should's and the might's.
Hugs and more prayers to your friend!!
Congrats to YOU on your daily sobriety!!
Thank you as always for the shares they bring a smile to my face when I read them. :)
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Welp Jozie You are certainly fully engaged with life on life's terms i hear so many program tools and so much acceptance in your message that I am grateful that you share the journey.
Hi Jozie, so glad to hear you working a strong program with humor! Keep up the great work and I am soo glad to hear the good news about your sister. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
They Removed her Feeding Tube yesterday, and she has been able to keep down Ginger ale, and TODAY they are going to see if She can Keep REAL food Down... She is Fighting So Hard to get Home to her baby (Months old) , and her dear Mom has been out there with her, for 3 weeks straight & wont leave her Side... There is GOOD in My Family, It is Just a Shame Tragity has to strike before it is acknowledged... or Seen... So That is My HIGH Note for the Rest of The Week.. She Maybe Finally Coming home to her Family were she belongs... I Couldn't be happier... 
