The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was told something yesterday that I know was told to someone here too. Last night my RA was again being loving, pleasant..and patronizing. Keep in mind he's not going to program and lied to me earlier yesterday morning about ditching his sponsor and why. He said, " I love you.....I don't want to keep pushing this point....BUT... [ here it comes ] ... I really think you should re-read the Big Book section, ' For the Wives. "
Hm. Let me think. Hm. NO. Already read it, thank you. That was written in 1939!!!!
With full appreciation and credit to the good points of that chapter, as to the rest, I think it it would do really nicely ripped out and reshaped into a DOORMAT. As I recall, there was a women's movement in the previous century.
Kudos and high 5 to whoever it was here who was told to read that chapter too.
It's a tough month and I'll take whatever humor I can find! Cheers everyone.
I whipped out one of my big books and reread that chapter again after reading your post.
I found this paragraph good....
"...We realize some men are thoroughly bad-intentioned, that no amount of patience will make any difference. An alcoholic of this temperament may be quick to use this chapter as a club over your head. Don't let him get away with it. If you are positive he is one of this type you may feel you had better leave. Is it right to let him ruin your life and the lives of your children? Especially when he has before him a way to stop his drinking and abuse if he really wants to pay the price."
Yes, the Big Book was written a long time ago. That does not in one bit minimize the wisdom and educational value of what is in it.
I recently read "The Al-Anon Family Groups Classic Edition" another old book. I found it to be very excellent. Sure some of the language has changed over the years and ideas have changed over the years.
There is a chapter in there called "Do Husbands of Alcoholics Need Family Groups, Too?" It was written at the time when there were very few men in Al-Anon. I got a chuckle out of some of the perceptions of what a man was supposed to be like. I could have gotten a resentment if I'd wanted to!
I guess one thing I would like to say, just so some body out there reading these posts doesn't think that because our older recovery literature is dated, that it is somehow not worth reading.
I still am awed every time I reread the Big Book. Because of who wrote it and when they wrote it. It is miraculous to me the insight given to the authors. I firmly believe it was devinely inspired.
I highly recommend reading the Big Book to my sponsees, as well as all of our Al-Anon literature both old and new. It is all, to put it simply, good stuff!
Just like with everything else in our program, I am free to take what I like and leave the rest. That includes what I read.
Thanks again for sharing, I got to have a meeting with myself on my lunch break!!!!
For me the To Wives and The Family Afterward chapters were so helpful to me before I began my journey in Alanon. A dear friend of mine who was in AA gave me their book, and suggested I read those chapters. I learn something new each and ever time I reread the books. At different points in my recovery I "see" things in a new light.
I thank God for the patience and tolerance of the program and this board allowing all perspectives rise to the surface so that we can acheive a greater love and understanding of one another.
Take what you like and leave the rest ..... is one of the best things this program has to offer.
Thanks Rara and David...however enlightening and supportive the Big Book is (I've got an old 3rd edition) it is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. Understanding my alcoholic and what she was and why she did what she did wasn't near as helpful to me as taking the "she" out of the question and placing the "me" in it. Contributors to the Big Book also were contributors to Al-Anon and it's literature too. It stands to reason from the closeness in the problem. AA and its message and language is interwoven in the Family Groups and Alateen and cannot not be as it is the tap root of recovery thankfully however, for me I am grateful that I was directed to take my focus off of the victimizer and place it on the victim otherwise the victim might pass from lack of healing attention.
There are passages in that section of the Big Book that support my decisions to overlook "my part in it" and leave only to duplicate the situation with another alcoholic/addict. My experience is that having copies of Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism, How Al-Anon Works, the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Al-Anon and all of the other literature the program offers me is of most importance to keep the focus on me. The very first piece of literature I came across of which opened me up to recovery was the One Day AT A Time in Al-Anon Daily Reader...it isn't such a "Big Book" and it did a very Big Miracle saving my peace of mind and serenity.
I was gifted some alanon books for me and the Big Book for my A. I don't think he's done more than quickly flip through it. But I've found it very helpful. rara avis, I found your first post pretty funny too. : )
