Aloha all and thank you Chinup for your post..."The fear of having to move" because along with my morning meeting and the ESH there and now here I am able to stay centered with what I have learned and am learning in this process called recovery.

Chinup said; "ive been renting here for 7 yrs my x landlord gave it all up and turned it all over to her lawyer son and things have changed oh my ,ive had to on him about my air conditioner its old and in bad need of maintenance or gotten rid of,he my new lawyer lanlord didnt say nothing except to call back and tell his secretary and they will get together and discuss it,im soo scared of being made to move,this is the 2nd time ive had to call about it and he did nothing the 1st time but its worser,i just dont know but i do know that my anxiety lever just went way up agin,just dont know what to expect from this lawyer,he dont really care,i do know that but me and my sick son has to have a place to live.im thinking i should get the paper out and start looking agin,any esh here would be appriciated,thanx and hugs ....chinup" 

The picture for my wife and I right now; part of it is reality but not all of it, is that the Bank has been and is making a concerted effort to move against our home which has been in our lives as a tap-root since 1997 because of negative conditions which they have caused.  I spoke with my wife this morning about what I've been doing to arrest the problem.  What I've been doing isn't what she has been doing.  What I've been doing has been accompanied by HP and everything I have learned in program which is a huge bag of tools.  My poor wife is overcome with fear and anxiety and an attitude of victimization and she is a real person, a child of God, a worthy woman and has "vent" value (is there such a thing?)  So with what I've learned here and from my sponsorship I sat and listened; mostly to her body language feelings and she is REALLY fearful...even used the "F" word.  I fedback what I was hearing...not the language but the feelings which are naturally her's...she is very fear based...What she is afraid of is not real at this time especially when filtered against what I've been doing in this even which she has stayed at arms length from.  She doesn't see or look at the situation as I have and so we are two people looking at one situation thru different eyes, filters, beliefs and experiences. 

We get from as a consequence from what we choose.

I have a very good recovery friends who always announces herself at meetings before she speaks with, "Hi I am ________, I am alcoholic and my only problem is me and my only solution is God."   That for me is the potential truth on a daily basis even though her awareness and choice of a Higher Power and mine are very different.

My problem is keeping my mind, body, spirit and emotions in check reminding myself that life isn't what I think and therefore fear but something much different when I back away from the picture and then add in my expereinces and the experiences of others and that most important factor of Higher Power and Higher Power's instruments.  

I know that before I attained experiences that a power greater than myself actually existed and worked outside of my brain for my specific good I would turn and walk away from anyone who just said what I just did.  A power greater than myself never worked for me before program and I thought; not believed, that if one existed it was working against me because my life was proof of it and then I came to understand that if I didn't learn and come to practice those "God can and I'll let God" steps; two and three than neither I or the others in my life and a power greater than myself had a chance at revealing the reality of it. 

I don't have another hit-and-run motorcycle accident left in me to come to understand the lesson however that is how I came to understand the reality of a power greater than myself.  I was the victim and the student along with other students...the surgeon, anesthestiologist, nurses, program fellows and family and because I am a skeptical student I was allowed additional lessons under the same conditions and I learned several things...an acronym for FEAR which helps me to be at ease when what I cannot control and understand for the moment seems to be present.  "F alse   E vidence   A ppearing  R eal"  my mind creates pictures and is gravitated to reacting to those pictures.  I came also to understand beyond the lesson of "the opposite of Fear is Faith that for me the opposite of Fear is Love" that when I am not in the behavior of unconditional love and acceptance of the fact of my life I'm in Fear; and that is truth for me.  When I am in Love I am not even close to fear...and so my wife vented hotly and my fear didn't increase and the bank is still there and my fear didn't increase and there is help out there including my meeting this morning for me to reach out to and ask for a give help and my love and their love and the love I find here decreased my fear and I feel hopeful and expectant of support until it is time to do be called on for more. 

Someone in the meeting said again,  "I don't know and don't know I don't know what is the solution and there is a power greater than myself who I can rely on in the meantime who IS here for me..."   From my own personal experience that fellow was reminding me, "Never forget what you have been thru and who has accompanied you thru it."

Chin up Chinup...You're not alone and fear is only one of many choices you got.

In gratitude (((((hugs)))))  

-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 30th of August 2011 11:56:52 PM