The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I realised some things after talking with my sponsor. Seven years ago I ended a relationship with someone I was very much in love with. We had dated for over a year. It was probably the most influential relationship in my life (outside of parents). I starting seeing a therapist while in that relationship, which was the beginning of me deeply addressing my issues. It was the strength I gained working with that therapist that allowed me to end the relationship. Part of the significance of the strength I gained was in further cultivating my spiritual life, my relationship with my Higher Power. I prayed, in some form, constantly. I meditated, found patience, acceptance, and joy. Without that, leaving the relationship seemed like a complete impossibility.
It was God, my HP, who got me through, who gave me the strength, once I surrendered and accepted. It was God who opened up many doors for me immediately following the end of that relationship. I trusted.
So, while talking with my sponsor, I realised suddenly that my alcoholic husband so very much reminds me of this ex boyfriend. I can't say necessarily that my ex bf was alcoholic, but he had MUCH the same personality/behavior characteristics. He was selfish to the point of narcissism, critical, rude, highly intelligent, demanding, and codependent. He was SO convincing. I had never met anyone like him before. This realization amazed me. In one sense, why had God taken me away from this before, just to bring me right back? I don't have the answer. However, it really doesn't matter. The point I am taking home is this: God got me through before, and God will get me through again. I just need to surrender, accept, and trust.
It doesn't matter what my husband does to me, or what this situation is doing to me. No matter how much I find myself "disappearing" in this relationship, I can always come back. I just have to choose it.
God, let me get past my anger and resentments. With gratitude.
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Thank you KLotus for your post. I attended my first meeting last night, and was sort of searching for some words of wisdon that could maybe give me the strength I so very much need right now. Your post gave me what I needed....Thank you
I see you are new here. Welcome to MIP. I hope you will take the time to start a new post and introduce yourself so we can give you a proper warm welcome. Please stick around and get to know us awhile. We are a motley crew. I am so glad you are here, please keep coming back.
It reminds me of something I once vomited to my sponsor, "I'm sick of giving away my power!!"
To which she replied, "You can always take it back."
"Get with God," she always said. plain and simple. Just to the extent that I do as I believe He would have me do... and humbly rely on Him... does He enable me to match calamity with serenity.
I have a tendency to become a "disappearing woman" too.... God is not responsible for it, I was just unaware of this character defect in me. But I can always change it, the steps helped me to KNOW MYSELF.... to identify my behavior patterns that get me into trouble. There are lots of good books on addictive relationships, here are mine....
Loving Him without Losing You by Beverly Engel How to Break your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D. Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody
beautiful post about trust.... thank you for sharing!
-- Edited by glad lee on Saturday 27th of August 2011 08:10:55 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Good share, very thought provoking, I read/heard somewhere that God keep giving us the same thing over and over until we get it right! I sometime remember to pray to get it right the first time. With love...Ruby!
Klotus: I so glad to hear how God is working in your life. I too find life I whole lot better when I focus on what God has done in the past for me & how He is working in my life today. You are so blessed to see this awareness in your life.
You are a precious gift from God; he doesn't make junk!
Awareness, working your program, and putting God front and center in your life, giving Him your trust. Your growth, understanding, and attitude is an example for others to follow.
They say our HP never gives us more than we can handle, but I've spent most of my life convinced that MY HP definitely has me confused with someone else! lol
Red Hawk
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My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed. I have to cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world. A passion to make, and make again, where such un-making reigns.
Thank you for expressing your gratitude! I realized after reading your responses that it felt very good to be able to give back. You have all offered great wisdom and support to me.
I pray that we all have a blessed Monday :)!
Wishing you an HP-filled week!
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
lol