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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> We all fall down....
Post Info TOPIC: We all fall down....
youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

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We all fall down....
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Hi, I am youfoundme and I am a grateful member of alanon... 

I had a bad night last night.  There was some stuff going on and I knew I had not control over it.  I had two glasses of wine with my A....He has been having a couple of drinks only here and there and for some reason I thought, well why not?  I am not an alcoholic, I can have just one or two and relax...I forgot how alcohol affects me for the moment...and ....

It turned me into a monster.  He told me something that made me mad.  And with those two glasses of wine in me, I was nuts.  He made a decision and I was mad about it.  I can't even believe my behavior, it was like I was back to having never attended a meeting in my life.  It was like I was without a sponsor to call or a MIP to come to.  Because of this, I needed to post here today.  I can see it now and I feel such remorse.  After the my ranting and raving and his trying to avoid me, we both fell asleep and I woke up feeling like total **$$.  So I start over again today.  Glad the kids weren't home last night...

Its a 24 hour program.  I am not perfect, nor will I ever profess to be.  I am a broken person and I am trying to heal.  I never really had a good start in life.  I got down on myself about my biological father missing from my life last night.  And then the stuff my A said he was going to do made me feel out of control and with that little bit of alcohol in me I was just a crazy person.  I am addicted to "mood altering men".  And "exciting misery"...

Wine just makes me feel sick.  I don't have the enzymes to digest alcohol so I think I feel worse than a regular person when I drink.  I get dizzy, headaches, stomach ache and I flush and my heart races, all just on the first sip.  I have learned from this though.  That I cannot drink any more.  I also have learned that I need to call my sponsor today, because I didn't last night and I need to be honest with her about this.  I can't be in denial.  So I wanted to come clean to you all too.  I feel terrible about it all really.  But I want off the pity pot.  I want to get better.  Today I start over from step 1 and can begin anew. 

This morning we both apologized, hugged, talked about it and made amends.  Today is all I got.  Right now is all I have.  I have to live in the now...  I made coffee, he made smoothies... and my lunch for work...off I went, feeling yucky from the drink...no more sailing on the wine dark sea for me....

I am standing back up again and asking HP to guide me today instead of me trying to guide me...  Self sabotage is what yesterday was.  Today I can start again... 

Thanks.  I am glad to be here.  I'll keep coming. 



__________________

-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Pushka


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Hugs hon,

Progress not perfection. Change is scary even if it's positive change, .. all parties scream change back, change back, it's new and scary. That's ok. You know where you want to be and it's not where you were last night. It's amazing when the sun comes out again the next day. I see it as God's gift to starting new all over again. :)

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
youfoundme


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Talking to my sponsor now... it was our addiction to the drama that created this stuff last night... So glad I have you all and my sponsor to figure stuff out :)

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
KLotus


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Hugs, and good for you for immediately coming back! 



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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."

 
ilovedogs


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I am addicted to drama, too. Glad you realized what is right and what is wrong for you. I can drink a bit, as well, and I do enjoy a glass of wine in the evening but I know that I can't go over a glass and a half. After that, it's all downhill. I get dizzy, lightheaded, and I don't like that feeling of starting to lose control. Yep, I'm a control freak and that's why I snoop for bottles and research things to the ends of time and back again. I really need to start letting go and I'm so glad that you are back on your way to peace and healing!

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Struggling to find me......
youfoundme


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Thanks :)

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
pineapple


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(((youfoundme))), Isn't it great that even when we make mistakes, fall down, we can get up and start all over again.
I hope you have a much better day today.

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youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

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pineapple...yes :) I am feeling better, but so exhausted because of the lack of good sleep. Tonight I am going to go home from work, enjoy my kitties, take a bath and listen to a pod cast from an old alanon member .... then probably go to sleep :)

__________________

-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
GailMichelle


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"We all fall down"  yes, we do.  And you, being the wise young lady that you are, brushed yourself off and picked up your tools.  Good Job!   

Your honesty is an asset.  It will help keep you moving forward towards your dreams.

Take good care, Gail



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
canadianguy


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I am a believer - that you needed to have that experience last night.... maybe it was to show yourself what drinking does to you....  maybe it was under the facade that you could drink with him and therefore relate/communicate with him - whatever.

Glad you're back, and you have a great attitude towards all of it

 

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

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Yes Tom, I would have to say you are right and thats just what my sponsor said too! I thought one glass would be ok and I know now, it was not. Thanks. :)

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Lindaoakford


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I am feeling a tad guilty about that because I am thinking it was my post that got you into that frame of mind.
You started talking about that in response to me.
I understand I did not make you have a drink but I do feel a bit responsible for starting the thread of thoughts.

I am sorry for that. I should never have asked that question.
However.... I am glad that you used the experience as a lesson and that perhaps I helped a little in giving you an opportunity to practice????????
Who am I kidding.... I feel bad about it now and I am very sorry if anything I said contributed to your mood.


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Linda - a work in progress
hotrod


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Hi YouFoundme

Just wanted to add my support and let you  know you are not alone.  Learning our limits and living by principles takes practice .

Being honest and allowing ourselves to be human is a true gift of this program. 

It sounds as if you and hubby did a 10th Step this AM ,that cleared the air and  you were then  enabled you to Focus on This Day.

Thanks for sharing the journey



-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 24th of August 2011 08:32:36 PM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
youfoundme


~*Service Worker*~

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Linda...HUGS! No, it wasn't your fault... I read your post after I had a glass of wine... don't worry :)
Betty, thanks :) I will keep sharing...thanks so much!

__________________

-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
likemyheart


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Dear Youfoundme - believe me, if I had your reaction to alcohol I would never touch another drop! it wouldn't be worth it, but then, thinking about how I am, maybe life would find me trying it out every once in a while just to see if the reaction is still the same. (and paying the same price eh?) Cheers!

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
youfoundme


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likemyheart...yeah that is it...sometimes we still have to touch the hot stove huh? :)

__________________

-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
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