The material presented
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to exchange
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level.
I have been married for 26 years. Of those years my husband has been drinking off and on for 15 years. It could be longer but I am numb to how long. My counselor has asked me to go to al-anon meetings, just cannot get there. I think I am done? What should I do?
Honestly? Listen to your counselor.... Al-Anon will make you less 'numb' and help you make whatever decisions you need to make, from a healthier place....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you, I have gone to one meeting and did not go back. I cmae on line to see if it might help. As I dropped my husband off tonight I just thought why does he not want to spend time with me, I spend way too much time alone. I refuse to feel like a victim. I am just tired and unmotivated.
Erin
I'm with Tom...follow up with your counselors suggestion and when there get phone numbers of the other members and make calls and go to the meetings after the meetings which were awesome for me. Keep coming back here also.
One meeting isn't a fair measurement. It was suggested to me to do 90 meetings in 90 days and I ended up at 102 in that period of time...saved my life.
esp 58 - when do you know that you've had enough? It's hard to explain, but when you've finally had enough it will be clear to you and you'll know it. No doubts, second guessing, etc. - you just know. ¨..why does he not want to spend time with me¨ Because he would rather spend time with his alcohol. It's not a reflection on you - he is an alcoholic, he does what all alcoholics do - they drink. It is a disease and comes first with them before personal relationships or anyhting else. What should you do? As Tom and Jerry have mentioned, it would be good for you to get to an al-anon meeting. If you can't make it to an F2F (face to face) meeting, there are online meetings here at this site. Keep coming back, this place is full of knowledge and love to help you as you find your way.
One other thing I want to mention is the three C's: You didn't CAUSE it You can't CONTROL it You cannot CURE it Keep coming back, learn to take care of YOU and the rest will follow in time.
I am at the point where it is helping me to separate my husband and his addict monster. My husband loves me and wants to spend time with me and is a great guy and I love him with insanity (really.. I mean that.. with insanity at times). His little monster grabs him by the boo boo and he honestly can't help it at this time in his life. He can't even see the monster, it is invisible to him so how can he fight it, or even know it is there.
His monster wants to spend time with him and talks him into doing things that hurt me. His monster loves him to death (and lets hope that isn't literal). and his monster gives him feel good chemicals rushing through his brain. Who wouldn't want that instead of this nagging wife that tells him not to partake in his substance of choice.
I am at the point I am looking at this situation objectively, and trying to put the 3c's into play, and ACCEPT that visiting monster that lives in our home. What am I going to do when that monster is around..... well ... that is why I am here.
LIsten to the guys that have been here a while, keep an open mind, read read and read some more.
Perhaps my view is not correct, but it is how I am challenging myself right now and trying to apply that first step. I am powerless and yes, for me, my life was completely unmanageable... I was like a spinning top. The spinning is starting to slow down for me since I have been on this board every day for a number of hours each day.
I will check them out. We have a small town and not everyday has a meeting. I will try for tomorrow. Thanx
I'm in a small town as well and we don't have meetings every single night, there are about 4 (one during the day). The best thing you can do is go. If you don't like a meeting try another one. It took me more than 6 to get comfortable I felt a little like I was walking into a secret society, .. lol .. totally me, not the wonderful people of our group. I was just in a really defensive place. I just wish I could convey better how much those meetings have meant to me and the fellowship I am developing. What do you know I'm actually social. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be running out the door to a meeting with a skip in my step I would have told them to go and suck eggs. There are also podcasts available on iTunes, I don't know what the click is as far as the mental switch hearing someone describe my story while it's being told from someone else's mouth was such a God thing for me.
I hope you make it to the meeting and you have a really great experience. Hugs, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I agree with what everyone has suggested. You received experience, strenght, and hope (ES&H) from members who have walked in your shoes. Their suggestions are what worked for them, they learned it from others who came before them. This program is about freely giving back to others what the program has given you.
I have been where you are. I feel your feelings. Nothing is wrong with the feelings you are having. It's simple, you like all of us have been effected by someone else's drinking. Try the Al-Anon program, attend f2f meetings, check out meetings on line here on MIP, spend some time reading prior posts and replies, read and educate yourself on the disease of alcoholism ...........Yep, Al-Anon is a simple program ............for complicated people. Simple because it is a "One Day At A Time" program. Complicated because our lives became unmanageable living in this disease.
Keep coming back and posting. You "will" find the help you need to make your life better. You need recovery from the effects this disease has had on you. You deserve what the Al-Anon programs offers, and you have found a new family who cares......Most important.......Your not alone anymore.
I underst and how you feel, really. I've been in your situation. My husband and I have been together for 36 yrs. He has drank most of those years. Before Alanon, I would pack his clothes and put him out. That was my way of coping. This happened at least four times. Then, I also became sick with anxiety attacks. It was so much to bear. My doctor told me about Alanon and I listened. Today, this is the greatest gifts I have. Alanon has given me the tools to work on myself and get my emotions under control. It has given me another chance to work on my marriage with a functional alcoholic. I am still with my husband today. And, he is still drinking. The change I made was for me. Please, keep coming back.
There are also podcasts available on iTunes, I don't know what the click is as far as the mental switch hearing someone describe my story while it's being told from someone else's mouth was such a God thing for me. 