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The woman I sat next to at my face-to-face meeting today had sniffles and a runny nose, and kept wiping it with her hand (without using Kleenex). I was getting really grossed out, and wasn't sure what I should do at the end of the meeting when it came time to join hands for the serenity prayer
I wound up spending most of the meeting running through scenarios in my head... no empty chairs, so I can't get up to go to the bathroom and sit in a different seat when I come back... can't leave early to avoid the closing beacuse I'm supposed to talk to someone after the meeting today... hmm... maybe link elbows instead of holding hands and mumble "burned my hand cooking" but that would seem weird with no bandages and no burns...
Fortunately, the meeting ran late and she wound up leaving before the closing.
...but if she hadn't left, what would have been an appropriate way to handle that? Al-Anon is supposed to be a safe space, so it wouldn't be appropriate to make an issue of her unhygenic behavior... but at the same time, I REALLY don't want to hold someone's hand if it's covered in snot!
I'm sorry but your post made me laugh. HOWEVER, I always keep hand sanitizer with me and I would have glopped it on right before the ending prayer. At least there would have been a barrier between you. And if she asked you could just say; I didn't want to spread my germs to you.
We have a few bottles of sanitizer on the table at our meetings and we all use it before holding hands at the beginning and the end.
I would have handed her the box of kleenex from the table and just told her my last cold was terrible and that I sympathize. I could also hand her one from my purse or used the sanitizer from my purse and offered her some and asked her to pass it down when she is done.
If all else failed I would have to ask her to use some sanitizer or wash her hands as she has been wiping it on her hand and I did not wish to catch a cold from the germs left on her hand. If she refused, I would have asked her to lock elbows.
I would go with gently saying, "I don't want to catch your cold" and then grabbing on to her elbow instead of her hand. No embarassment, no shame, no drama.
I would go with gently saying, "I don't want to catch your cold" and then grabbing on to her elbow instead of her hand. No embarassment, no shame, no drama.
ditto
'Sorry, I'm worried about catching a cold so I'm not holding hands today.'
I laughed too I'm afraid, I understand your dilemma though. I shook hands with a lady from a job, who had the most atrocious cold while touring her group around, oh my God, I was sick for two solid weeks with the worst dose of influenza ever, so that kind of thing really freaks me out, that and the lady who told us at a meeting that she just couldn't bear to stay home though she had active shingles, you should have seen some of them old timers move. I sat there in terror having had chicken pox as an adult, and mentally processing what shingle may have been like, they are related apparently.
I"m not very germ phobic, I probably would have passed her the kleenex during the meeting and gone in, used the bathroom and washed my hands after the meeting.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I would have held her hand and then made my excuses to go and wash mine immediately afterward. I do however like the tissue approach. Perhaps she may have felt it also and asked to link elbows ... never know... she may have been acutely aware of it but too embaressed to say anything
Hi, Maire Rua, just to say that you were safe from the shingles. People who have never had chickenpox can catch it from shingles, but if you've had chickenpox, you're immune and can't get it again. After a person has had chickenpox, it can be reactivated within the body years later, and shingles will result. There is also a thing called postherpetic neuralgia, which is that after the shingles has waned, the nerves are still painful. This can last for months. People call it "shingles" but it's more an aftereffect of shingles. No one can catch chickenpox from the postherpetic neuralgia. So it may well be that the woman in your meeting had this, and you all were perfectly safe from infection. Even if she had active shingles, you were safe as long as you'd had chickenpox already.
Not that this helps the situation where the woman had the heavy cold! I've certainly heard people say "I don't want to catch your cold," and that seems like a good response to me too.
Great topic! I have experienced similar situation at meetings. I carry tissues and hand sanitizers with me at all times. I usually offer tissues. Some people get offended when I tried to offer hand sanitizer. However, when it is time to close the meeting, I move and relocate. Have not had a problem with this approach.
I am asthmatic and a bad cold can land me in a hospital. Safety is first and foremost for me. Thanks for sharing.
My grandsponsor is a double organ transplant recipient....He is really afraid of catching germs due to his already taking immune suppressants. He will pat people on the back...link arms...put his hand on their shoulder or sometimes excuse himself at that part of the meeting. Not everyone knows why but most people do. I would not take it too personally if someone didn't hold hands during a prayer. I don't go to meetings specifically for than anyhow right?
