The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My spouse and I are separated and have been for a year. I just in the past 2 weeks started to go to Al-anon (I'm an ACOA). I've been to 5 meetings in 9 days. All very helpful. I'm just getting my feet wet.
My spouse very much wants us back together - I'm not sure that is the best thing for me and have told him that I cannot make a decsion and he needs to make his own decision for what to do now. I'm not ready to divorce but I'm not ready to get back together. I'm working on me. I know that he could choose to move on. I understand that risk.
He just texted me and asked me if we could start spending time together again and I felt myself move the focus to him. I didn't want to hurt him or seem uncaring or cold so I replied we can try - eventhough right now I don't think that's the best thing.
How do I stop doing that?? That's really a rhetorical question but I just wanted to put it out there.
Hi Alexis... just thinking that maybe you can use this as a 'learning opportunity' for you at this time? Why not set a boundary, that works for you?? i.e. you will see him once a week, or whatever amount you DO like the idea of - no more and no less..... He will no doubt want more right away, but this will give you a good chance to practice your program, and honor both yourself AND your recovery at this time...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I relate. My ex-alcoholic/addict spouse and I were separated for a long while and not divorced and then one day she gave me the affirmation of all affirmations and called to tell me the company she worked for was having a Christmas Party and she didn't want to go with anyone else but me...(picture how that made me feel and react!! Stand aside God...I'm being called!!) So of course I went and of course she got drunk and then she fell and got a conscussion and I was instantaneously back into it full time. I didn't even call 911 and the paramedics even at the sign of clear fluid leaking out of her ear. I took her home like a prize and a puppy so that I could take care of her. I needed to learn to work this program 24/7 and to put denial somewhere I can't get to it.
Yes the focus is elusive at times. I need program more now than ever.
