The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I told my AH last night that I want a D. He thought I would change my mind after "sleeping on it." When I didn't he tried to blame me and then decided to ask what he could do to "salvage" our marriage and keep our family together. I told him that if he goes into a treatment program (for more than 30 days) and stays sober after that, I would be willing to consider it. I told him I am not giving him an ultimatum and he should only do it if he feels that is what will help him to get sober (he is drinking every day and is unemployed).
So, I was going to sit here for the next hour and research treatment centers in our state (as the 2 outpatient he has tried in town have not worked). Then it dawned on me. He may very well get up tomorrow and say "No" to the whole thing. So why spend my time looking into anything. I am chosing to use my time for me, do a little reading and go to bed.
I think I have made a few baby steps today so I am going to pat myself on the back and get a good night of sleep.
ohhh... weeellll done!!!!!! Good on you for not booking into his treatment program of your choice. If he agrees, then he can do it and take the responsibility.
Good for you! My sponsor suggested I let my daughter look for treatment centers and do the calling herself. I saved my energy for other things that would help my recovery...With love....Ruby!
Mine used the "You're throwing away a good marriage" blaming it all on me. What was good about it? The good times were almost non-existent, I had more work to do with less help, NO HELP in most cases - housework was women's work, even unemployed he still never lifted a finger unless I asked him and then it was begrudgingly. And when it came to playtimes, he did that with his buddies expecting me to hang out at home alone until he was done with them and ready to snuggle up with me - not a whole lotta fun. What was good about walking on eggshells, hoping he'd fall asleep at night before we got into a fight over something dumb? That line, you're throwing away a good marriage - meant to manipulate me into feeling bad and changing my mind only started me thinking "what good marriage?".
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
