The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hope this is the place for my thoughts. I have been reading posts for awhile now and am very grateful for them. I have also started going to meetings. My problem is that I feel so bad. My AH has had many surgeries and claims to still be in pain from them but the drs tell him there is no reason for the pain and will not give him any pain relief. He was having quite a problem with those pills but then turned to alcohol for pain relief.
If he really is in pain am I being a horrible person for telling him that I hate the person he becomes when he drinks? I just can't decide if I am just being selfish and not liking the way he is when he drinks. The biggest slap in the face was when my 6yr dd told me that she was glad that school started and she didn't have to stay home with daddy cause he slept or laid on the couch all day.
I don't know if this makes any sense but I just needed to get it out. Maybe I am the one in the wrong here
Hi Parentx2, and welcome to MIP.... This is a great place for you to share your thoughts and concerns...
Alcohol is not the 'fix' for pain, and is a very dangerous "tool" for people to deal with pain....
No, you're not awful or selfish at all - if your hubby is an alcoholic, and/or abusing alcohol, I would be willing to wager that he is pretty miserable to you and your daughter....
The good news is there is a solution - for YOU.... Please choose recovery, for yourself, in the way of Al-Anon. Get to meetings, post here, read great books on the subject.... Educate yourself about his disease, and it will go miles towards helping you & your daughter in all of this muck.....
Take care, and please keep coming back
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Whether your husband is and alcoholic or not he has swapped one addiction for another. No you are not being selfish. Alcohol is selfish, and is controling the mind, body, and spirit of your husband. Being selfish and self centered comes with the territory. You have no more control over him than his doctor does. Alcohol is a trump card, everything else comes in second.
By starting attending Al-Anon meetings and seeking recovery you have taken a giant step. As it states in the opening of all Al-Anon meetings....."Without help it is to much for most of us." The program will give you that help and the tools you need to make your life better.
Keep coming back, you have found a new family who understand you as perhaps no one else can.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Monday 22nd of August 2011 05:02:38 PM
Aloha Parent...Only one of the consequences to being loving and caring of and for and to and alcoholic is feeling bad. Don't know if you ever say the motion picture "When love is not enough" about Lois Wilson the wife of the co-founder of AA and think you would relate and feel verified that what you are feeling is normal for the spouse of an alcoholic regardless of the how and why he drinks.
You're doing good stuff coming here and going to face to face meetings. Next thing you know you will be sharing some understanding with your daughter and she will also come to understand that Daddy isn't bad...he's sick.
If he can find the white pages of the telephone he can also locate the phone number to AA Central Office in your area.
Please keep coming back because you being here helps support our own recovery.
Hi there parentX2 and welcome. You're very welcome here and in the right place. You're in a tough spot for sure, but not a horrible person. I don't know what the right answer is for your situation, but I do hope you will find comfort and support here and in the Alanon face to face meetings. There's a lot of amazing experience, strength and hope and it's so affirming to find you're not alone.
