The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There is a tear in my coffee some days. I am not really that sad but I do have my moments! I realized after my last post that I can be a real downer. I feel this is true especially when I talk about not having kids. I guess I still have to live in acceptance at 45. I just wish that I could over my regrets--medication & pregnancy don't mix. I always tried to follow my doctor's orders when it came to birth control.
Now I am feeling the clock ticking. Oh well...I am happy that at least I still have nieces & nephews to spoil. Maybe that is why I am here. Still searching for meaning & purpose in life & what will be my legacy!
Stop here; take a breath! Gotta go! time is running out again!
Kathleen, hugs, we all have our moments of being down. Then a new day dawns. May your legacy be uniquely your own, may you bring joy to those who are blessed by your presence in their lives, and may regret always be bitter sweet and never just bitter. Hugs p ;)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Your "ticker" has a lot more ticking to do! You're only 45. Heck, that was around the age I finally began to feel like an adult (LOL).
Have you ever seen the movie "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven?" It's about a man who died and felt he never did anything significant in his life. It was a bit odd to me, but I liked the meaning behind the story.
We're all significant, Kathleen. Perhaps you can ask your HP to take your blinders off so you can see how special you are.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I do not have children. I have had a pregnancy and live birth, but my daughter died at day 2 from complications. Her Dad was schizophrenic and I often wonder if the medication or whatever had something to do with it.
I will get to my point I promise.
I see other women my age with their children growing. I hear what they go through. I hear the good and the bad things about having kids. I see the time they take off work to go to tend to sick kids, in trouble kids, at home kids on school holidays. I hear how they have to plan their leave around the school holidays, the most busy and expensive part of the year. I could go on and on about how much children totally take over ones life. For someone like me with control issues, having a child would be my own private control room I think.
I prefer to be child free..... (this is my perspective and I just want to give you another idea to ponder is all) as opposed to child less.
I am not bound by the confines of a child/ren in my home and life. If I chose to be around kids, I can be. I have neices and nephews who now have kids of their own. Ihave a god daughter and a god son.
I fostered kittens from the RSPCA who were sick and too small and thier mum had died. I got them healthy then gave them back so they could find homes.
I have two miniature long haired chihuahua's which I share custody with my ex husband... I have two moggy cats which I saved as young kittens. I have a large black dog out the back yard who is my husbands dog. If you have ever had pure bred lap dogs you will know they are very demanding and 'fussy'
Our house is full of play time with animals. Most of myclose friends don't have kids, or have grown up kids. Myhusband has two kids who are also grown up now. He was a sole parent when Imet him.
I decided that the buck stops with me. I am an Adult Child of an Adult Child of an Adult Child. Not something I wanted to pass on. I am predisposed to Diabetes, cholesterol, cardiac disease and blood pressure issues as well as addiction. There has been quite a bit of incest in my family. Hmmm.. lets see.. yeah, pass that on Linda... keep the dysfunction perpetuating
I chose to take my responsibility and not pass any of that on.
I am not suggesting you read this and be happy you don't have your own kids, I am just giving you my experience and a different angle with which some of us child free people look at the world. (the overpopulated world at that). There is a website and books and other stuff dedicated to being child free.
If I have offended I apologise, I just wanted to show you a different window that I look through when it comes to children.
Kath I've heard also that a great alternative to mean labor pains is adoption? Could that be a thought? I of course am another alternative to mean labor pains...I can help cause them but can't really have them without major changes. No thanks ...tick tick tick
Dear Kathleen, I can't know how it feels to be you, I'm sorry though and I understand that it makes you sad. Wish there was more, but sometimes there just isn't. Be well - Ann
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Your post really touched my heart. I feel like everyone around me has children or is having children these days. It just seems ridiculous how many babies and pregnant bellies are all around me! Having a family is what I've always wanted more than anything. I am hopeful, but also trying to come to terms with the fact that it won't happen the way I thought and maybe it won't happen at all. It's a very difficult pain and I think it's hard for a lot of people to understand. Some of my friends with children try to make me feel better by saying things like how lucky I am to have time by myself.... They mean well, but it makes me feel worse. I know they would never trade their kids for more time alone. Other friends are happily married or unmarried and childless and want it that way. That's great for them, but I'm very family oriented and I really love children. So I don't know what the future holds for me. Maybe a family, maybe not, maybe I adopt or become a foster parent or find some other answer for myself. I'm trying to be hopeful yet keep in mind that nothing is really promised and there's no way to understand the why's of everything. I try to keep it in perspective and know that there are many other wonderful, beautiful legacies out there of all kinds.
One thing, when you mentioned your regrets... This might be a very important place to work through the steps, take your fearless inventory, ask your higher power to help you, make amends to yourself... Grieving and getting past regrets to acceptance could really free you to move forward into whatever miracles life has ahead for you.
I wish you very well Hoot Nanny :) Hope tomorrow is a better day with better coffee!
When I thought of your post I immediatly thought about all of the "family in spirit" that I have been graced with in addition to my biological kids. There are so many people in the program I have been blessed for whom I have sponsored over the years. I also thought of the dear alateens for whom I have had ability to watch them grow in the love found in the program. I feel as a result of the Alanon program my "family" has grown tremendously. The feelings I get from being a mother to my biological children are so very similar to gratitude I have for the people God has placed in my life to guide, support, and love.
