The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I met with an Al Anon lady today for lunch. I bought her lunch as she took the time off her day to meet wtih me.
I cried.. as I have been for about 12 hours now on and off.
She confirmed there are no day time meetings in the NT for Al Anon but there is a steps meeting on a Saturday afternoon. The same people go to the Adult Children as go to the Al Anon and she says there isn't a difference between them as there are only about 3 people that go to both/either of them. It depends what people want to talk about. So that is a Friday and Wednesday night.
She admitted that Al Anon nor AA are very active in our place of residence.
She was a very nice lady and understood as well as you guys on the board do, she said the same things you guys do. She validated that I felt betrayed and I am going through grieving for what I have lost, what I thought we would have as a couple.
I got the feeling from her that Al Anon can set me up in order to make me stronger for when I am ready to leave my husband. Perhaps I misheard her, perhaps it is because I feel so scared of that right now. But that is the impression I came away with.
I know that is not what Al Anon is all about.
Anyway, just thought I would share that I did meet up with someone. Hasn't spurred me on, nor put me off.
I like this board becasue I can print out what people say and peruse it later. I can re read it and really have time to think over what people say. I am having a very down day and I can sit here and cry and type away. I know when I come back, there will be pearls of wisdom waiting for me every day.
I feel like I am repeating myself and running on the spot, I seem to feel the same things over and over. anyways... we will see what happens tonight. We are going out to dinner with a couple and the husband smokes pot but the wife doesn't. She doesn't care that he does. It doesn't bother her. I want to know how she does it. The way things are progressing wth my husband, he will nip out for a smoke during dinner with the bloke. It will be the first time he has done it if he does... I will just have to ignore him if he does. If he doesn't, then thats fine too. I am there to have dinner with my friend (the female) whom I met through my husband who was a friend of the man prior to my husband quitting pot. they used to catch up every now and then afterwards, but didnt smoke wiht him often. I am guessing that is about to change.
Sorry I am on such a downer today. Perhaps I shouldn't post when I feel like this
I am going to should you here, even though I know I shouldn't, you SHOULD definately come here and post when you feel like this, because? you are making tremendous progress just by recognising you are doing the same old same old, you are feeling your feelings and knowing it, and that is how I started to feel the change in myself, I did it times and still do, heck I had been on that hamster wheel years longer than I have had alanon in my life, so it is only progress not perfection, thats is all it takes, little bites of the elephant, I thought the only way I could be happy would be to leave my husband too, but I would of took me with me, I also only used to like him when he was nice, and so when he wasn't that made everything I did and thought ok, and now I know that wasn't fair of me either, you make your own mind up to enjoy your evening tonight, regardless of what anyones else does or says, think posative and you will be posative, I will be thinking of you.
Dear Linda, do you think it is possible that you may have given the alanon lady a strong impression that you desire to move away from the marriage---without realizing it?
I'm just wondering--of course, you were there and I wasn't.
Please don't let discouragement get to you. Keep posting and stay on your journey. As they say---more will be revealed.
Also, I am wondering if more people in your locale might have a need for alanon/AA--just like you do? Since you work in the field---is there any way you could be influential in creating more interest or activity toward that end. I'm think tanking, here.
I think it's true that Alanon sets you up to become stronger if you leave ... but also if you stay. It just gives you tools to cope with life on life's terms and helps you strip away the stuff that was never reality in the first place. It helps you understand that control is an illusion and that trying to change other people is futile (as well as enormously frustrating because it doesn't work). These are skills to use regardless of whether a particular relationship continues.
Glad you met a new friend for lunch - way to work it!
I was thinking the same thing as White Rabbit, it's not a matter of you are stronger so you can leave it gives you tools to cope with life. Living life under the hallucination that you can control anything about life outside of our reactions to life. It's just no way to really live an authenticated you life. Finding healthier ways is a have to because unless you do, you will continue to keep doing what you are doing and you will continue to get what you got.
Good for you getting out there and finding out what is available in your area. Maybe there is a need for someone to start an alanon group I don't know. It's all a step in the right direction for you.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Al-anon meetings are a bit more trouble to find than AA meetings. Here's the ones listed on the web for your area. You'll likely find more once you become involved. Al-Anon can help you become healthy whether your partner does or not or if you stay or not.
ALICE SPRINGS, MONDAY, 7.00pm, call (08) 855 0401 for venue
DARWIN, WEDNESDAY NIGHT, 7.00pm, St Paul's Primary School (library room behind priest's residence), 41 Francis Street (cnr Trower Road), Nightcliff
DARWIN, FRIDAY, (Al-Anon Adult Children), 7.00pm, St Paul's Primary School (library room behind priest's residence), 41 Francis Street (cnr Trower Road), Nightcliff
DARWIN Steps, SATURDAY, 3.00pm, Christchurch Anglican Cathedral, Harbour Room, 2 Smith Street (cnr Esplanade), Darwin
I attend both AA and Al-Anon meetings. They changed my life.
When I started I lived in a town of 700 and would drive 20 miles each day where I knew there were meetings. About a year later, I 'discovered' my neighbor and his wife were in recovery. Tom chaired the once/week AA meeting in town while his wife Fran chaired the local Al-Anon meeting. The whole crowd would then go to Tom and Fran's house for fellowship after. He asked me 'Didn't you ever wonder why there was always a parade going past your house every Friday?'
Hey there girl :) I think its great that you got to have lunch with this person :) Heres the deal... I saw your other post and this one and I know whats worked for me... The book Getting Them Sober. There is a chapter in it that says: Don't Tell him he's been drinking. Well switch that to smoking pot. Anyway, regardless, when we question them on what they've been up to, it doesn't make things better. It makes us sicker and enables them to go use more. When I got off my fiance's back about his drinking, he slowly started to slow down and is now doing a lot better. We take it one day at a time. ITs a 24 hour program. You can start over every day. Try some meetings, you may see that you feel better being in that room. I too have a super busy schedule and I have two kids, but yet I have to make time... HAVE TO make time to get to a meeting. Even if its small, it helps. And you can start your own meeting too if you can't find one that meets your needs... That book is so helpful, along with our other literature :) HUGS
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I think it's true that Alanon sets you up to become stronger if you leave ... but also if you stay. It just gives you tools to cope with life on life's terms and helps you strip away the stuff that was never reality in the first place. It helps you understand that control is an illusion and that trying to change other people is futile (as well as enormously frustrating because it doesn't work). These are skills to use regardless of whether a particular relationship continues.
I have found this to be absolutely true. The skills taught can be used in EVERY situation and not just in an alcoholic relationship. Meetings have changed my life significantly over the past 6 months.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Perhaps I shouldn't post when I feel like this