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I just have to share this...For months I have been asking God to send me a sign that what I am doing is right, to lead me in the right direction, to help me understand and be compassionate to my AH, to even send me a dream that I am not crazy and I am allowing him to do his will. I think my sign has come!! haha
I asked my AH to leave two days ago. Last night he decided to start the transition. Great!I had two dreams last night.
The first one, the dad was going away to the armyand left a baby with the mother (me). he gave the baby a beeper and told me if the beeper ever went off it meant the baby had 20 days to live. I was staying with a family. The man would call often, but the family got jealous so I turned the beeper off. One day seven years later, teh baby was still a baby, but I turned the beeper on and it it sayd 6 hours. I realized he had beeped it while it was off and I now had 6 hours to save the baby or it would die. the paramedics came and tried to save it life, and when 10 second were left, the baby began to breath.
I thought of this as my life getting suckled out of me, me worrying to omuch about what people think, letting so many people influence my life in negative ways (the jealousy of the family I was staying with) and the paramedics representing my HP who is God coming to rescue me and give me life that I am learning to have with Alanon.
The second dream I think was even more powerful.
I was on a train with all my things...2 garbage bags full of clothes, a drawstring bookbag, a duffel bag, a regular shopping bag and a lawn chair (that one was funny). When the train got to my stop, I had to jump to the platform, it was about 10 feet away. People were jumping and getting off and they made it. But I was afraid to jump. I said in the dream "I'll never make it, it's too far away, I have too many things to carry, I'll never make it." I waited for the next stop. A man with white hair looked at me sadly as I was struggling to carry all my stuff on my back and in both hands. He picked up the two garbage bags of clothes and took them off the train for me. All of a sudden I was walking on the platform with only the duffel bag, the shopping bag, and the bookbag. I did not have the two huge garbage bags. As I walked around the platform, there was another train I had to take. There was a huge gap again, and people were leaping into the train from 10 feet away. One girl jumped down into the tracks in order to climb on the train. I looked to the side and saw there was a wooden bridge bridging the 10 foot gap. I said wow I don't have to jump, I can make the train if I take the bridge. So I got on the bridge and got on my train and I didn't have any of my stuff with me!
So, All my stuff= my baggage I have been carrying around this whole time. The ten foot gap to get off the train and I couldn't do it= my fear, anxiety, thinking I cannot do this! how will I ever survive that jump? The man helping me with my things= the support and friendship I can receive if I accept it. For me this is my friends who I have hidden things from and can support me, my Alanon group, this message board. I jsut have to accept the help and let it come into my life. Leaving the two bags full of clothes= leaving part of my baggage. Waiting for the next train and not wanting to jump to get it= waiting for teh next chapter in my life, not wanting to take the risk, not knowing if I would make it to the other side. then finding the bridge to take me to the train= me finding a way to bridge my experience and my "old life" with the new life I want to make for myself and my children, whether or not my AH is coming with me or not.
I woke up and wrote my dream down as a reminder.
take what you want and leave the rest! For me this was something I needed to help me understand that what I am doing is OK and IMO, it was my message from up above.
((((Odalis))))...I came to understand that my subconscious was telling me what I needed to see and to know and I relate to both of your dreams and how you have put it together for you. Vision allows you to make the next right move; do the next right thing. It sounds to me that you can "read" your dreams (spiritual) clearly and your growth will be greater as you put the experiences to "real" in your current life. Awesome experience and grateful that you shared it here.
