HI guys

For many years I have hated mornings..... I often wake with a feeling of dread and anxiety and hate who I am.  I wake up feeling fat and ugly and generally angry for just waking up!!!!  I recently have been doing lots of work on this about the last 5 months.  I have been looking into why.  I think one of the reasons may be that when I was growing up, I always awoke to mum and dad yelling.  The mornings meant I had to work out what mood my sister was in (very troubled girl) and then onwards to relationships that were abusive.  That strangling episode I spoke of in other posts was firt thing in the morning within moments after standing up out of bed. 

This morning (Saturday)... my husbands alarm didn't go off and we woke up late,  It was only because I woke at 6.  I didn't panic, I told him it was 6am, we got up, I made him a coffee to help him get to work on time (Iusually stay in bed), and then I got on this board.  Been here for nearly 2 hours reading and watching the smurfs on telly. 

I have just realised in the past half an hour.  I woke up this morning and smiled.  I didn't wake up with anxiety.  Could that be because my morning was a bit of a mini crisis immediately adn that put me in a mode of 'normalicy' so I was happy and comfortable.. or could it be because I am feeling a bit better in general.  I know he won't smoke this morning, he may tonight and he definately will tommorrow but I don't feel quite the same about it. 

Hmmmmm...... I know which one I would rather it was/is, but I am keeping an open mind on what the reality may be.