The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm so ashamed, I just allowed my al/ad daughter and her adult son, with anger management issues and drug abuse issues, to stay at my house until her apt. is ready on the 1st. I feel so bad that I wasn't able to continue my strong stance with "No." she did agree to go to aa meeting while they are here, and asked me if I would go with them. I said I would. Pray for me that this will work out good for all concerned and that I'll find the courage to mean it when I say "no" this is so hard I hate it! Thank you for your help!....Ruby!
Nothing about the disease is easy. It's ok if you feel you relapsed; you can start over and do the next right thing. I struggle to maintain boundaries, too, no matter how much I thought they would be reasonable for me to maintain. I understand you feel ashamed, but please be gentle with you. It's ok to be human. When I feel unsteady, I get to a face to face meeting. Prayers are coming your way.
I hope for your sake and that of your family, that your HP has presented this as an opportunity for boundaries to be tested so as to affirm that you are right in your boundary setting, or to give the family an opporunity to bond and grow.
If it doesn't present an opportunity for growing and/or healing for your family by attending meetings, then perhaps it will give you an opportunity to reiterate to yourself that your boundary is the right thing to do.
Have you set down firm ground rules while they are in the house?
Hugs, thankfully the first is not that far away. Work your steps focus on yourself, and take it for an opportunity of growth and new understanding. Hugs p ;)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha Ruby...You're doing okay...It's okay to negotiate rather than manipulate. You're not manipulating the going to the AA meetings while they are there is negotiation. If she doesn't go you get to pull out a bigger NO! Going to AA meetings with her can be educational for you if you go for your own education. Be sure to keep that open mind. I was too angry and too crazy to attend for the right reasons when I first went with my alcoholic/addict spouse so it didn't work for me and in the end I enabled again and things got worse for me. Talk with your sponsor or someone else in program and ask for feedback as you are doing here. Because you said yes today doesn't me it is a yes for ever. Give yourself a hug for good program effort. Here's mine (((((hugs)))))
You did just fine. I had that same boundary with my son the last time he was in jail but he didn't have enough time to find a place of his own right away. We considered it bending our boundaries, the rule of not being high in our home was still in effect full force. He did quite well for a while then relapsed at the death of my brother ( the uncle he was named after). We told him it was unacceptable, we understood his uncles death would be a trigger but could not control the way he decided to handle it, he understood and found a place and was moved in 3 days. So take it one day at a time, how wonderful they want you to attend meetings with them, You are obviously a comfort to them. It is okay to love your A or A's and hate the disease. I love my son unconditionaly but can no longer enable at least to the extent we were enabling we slip from time to time then get back on track. So do I bend or rework our boundaries now and again, yea I do. It is all about what you are comfortable with Go easy on yourself and i pray it all works out Blessings
I know when my son was home last (Aprillast year), he came uninvited but I'm glad he did because it gave me the chance to practice what I was learning in Alanon and it showed me that what I was doingwas right, FOR ME, it reinforced why I needed to remain detached and it gave me the opportunity to revise the boundaries. He was in our home on our terms and he accepted that, he wanted help and he removed himself from the people places and things that kept his addiction going.
He left us a week later to go to rehab, the period at home reinforced to him that he wanted/needed sobriety. He maintained it for nearly 9 months.
We relapse, we learn, we grow, we move on........day at a time.
It's tough when it's our kids and we do the best we can with what we know at the time.
My strength and hope are maintained here & at my f2f meetings, I can't do it alone.
Thank you all for your support and prayers, I will have ground rules, we will discuss them clearly so we are all on the same page. I just heard from my daughter that her son is staying elsewhere, I'm happy, he has too much attitude for me to deal with in my senior years. I see HP (God) is working, I'll continue to keep my trust/faith in Him for a perfect outcome for all concerned. I know this to shall pass. With love, Ruby!!
