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I"m having a difficult time wrapping my brain around how much this whole SCRAM thing is costing financially the family. It does go straight back to the DUI. It really ticks me off that it was soooo avoidable and it does bring up past resentments. Which I am so entitled to, I just do not want to beat up my A verbally. I'm trying to just let it go without subjecting others to my outbursts.
It's chaffing me more than normal I think because it will be paid weekly and it's going to be thousands of dollars for 6 months of this. I mean like more than 2k. By the time this is all said and done I'm sure we are looking at close to 8k for the DUI. That money would have paid almost another 3 years of the school so the fact it's going for nothing it's not even an over due bill this is just a bad choice on his part plain and simple.
I"m feeling my old war wounds of the collateral damage that the addiction has left. It's like saying someone has been killed by friendly fire, talk about an oxymoron. He is not under house arrest however based upon what I'm learning about the SCRAM and how it works. He is actually better off not going out to public places. Hair spray will set this off, certain kinds of perfume, air fresher, house cleaners, that means I can't clean the house with sprays while he is home. I'm having doubts that he will be able to help his mother for the next 6 months because she is an active drinker which means there are old beer cans in the trash and whatever one she's drinking. I also have questions if we go out to eat do we need to pick places that don't serve alcohol? It's all so crazy and subjective.
Like I said, .. crabby! I think I probably need to take a short nap. I did make it to a meeting last night and felt better. Right this min not so much fun.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
HUGS I have no idea how that device works but honestly, why do YOU need to walk on tip toes around his issue? Let him figure out the device and if it does go off I'm sure they test his BAC anyway or something like that (re: spraying cleaning products). Also, won't pants cover it up and slightly protect it from externals?
My husband had to wear one for 2 months. It is a sore subject for me because all he ended up doing was finding alternate ways of getting messed up that would NOT set it off or show up in a drug test, then the day it came off, he drank. Yup...WASTE of money. I hated that thing....I do agree with the post above. It is his issue. Actually, my husband's did go off because of some stew that was cooked in wine. He ended up having to write an essay about alcohol or something like that. Boy that sure taught him a lesson (sarcasm, sorry)
You could be right on the issue of me walking on egg shells. My reality right now is this, if he looses this deal I can't go back to school until 2014. I can't wait to much longer to break into my field. I looked into going back this semester cant happen, if his deal is good I can go back 2012, winter semester. If it were just him paying the consequences seriously I don't care. What his consequences are totally on him, especially if I get a job that I can support the kids and myself. What he did was mass collateral damage. it's on him, 440$ a month doesn't just effect him. It's our household budget, that's already stretched. It's not that he's not working what I call his penance. Trust me my motives are not selfish they are self interest for sure. My understanding is if it gets into the lungs or on the skin, alcohol (it's a specific type) it will register he's been drinking, even if he hasn't. I already know he won't ask, it's what he does, at least I well know and for me knowledge is power I can shut my brain off lol. At least my bathroom looks good! on to laundry folding! ;)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
This is a tough situation because the whole set-up means that there is great pressure on you to try to control him. So that the thing doesn't get set off or whatever, not to mention so that he doesn't drink which would obviously set it off. It makes your situation enmeshed with his.
I am not sure of your circumstances, except that I know they can't be easy. But it sounds as if you'd be better off separating your finances from his completely. I'm sure that's easier said that done. But in my experience, relying on an practicing alcoholic to behave himself and stay out of trouble is an exercise in futility. Assuming the worst is always pretty much the accurate way to go.
My AH (now ex-AH) got a DUI that brought down a ton of penalties on him, including not being able to drive for a year, then driving with a breathalyzer, thousands in lawyer's fees, etc., plus he got it while he was out of town so he kept having to fly to this other city for court appearances. I have to not think about what he could have done with that money (like pay child support). Although he's a chronic spender so who know, he might just have squandered it some other way. Anyway, at that point I took my finances into my own hands. I know that's not always as easy as it was for me. (It wasn't easy, but I did have the resources to do it.) I hope there's some good way out for you. Another question is whether he realizes the impact of all this on your plans? And is he concerned, does he care? That might be more information that determines how you respond. Hugs.
M, he has no idea and I'm certainly not telling him. I'm home with the kids because any job I can get doesn't cover childcare. I don't feel right leaving my daughter to shoulder a burden that is not her issue (she can babysit once in awhile is one thing primary care giver another issue). He makes fast more than I can right now.
Finances have to stay this way only because I'm not working. Once I start I will take over my own stuff. At this point it is what I want. The control, I have to remember I'm my own worst enemy, I've got to let this go until monday. Once I know I will be better able to know where my own boundaries are and what I can look at responsibly. I'm knee jerking a bit. It will be ok I just need to get out of my own head. Worry never moved a rock!! ;) thanks, at least I'm not flipping out on him.lol
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
