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Morning all......just want to throw this around a bit....I value your support and feedback as you know.
I feel change is in the air for my Ason, but what I dont know.
He has been phoning off and on the last couple of weeks, just to talk to me, no demands, no poor me's, he accepts he is where he is because of his choices. Phone calls are short and superficial really, I know he just wants the sound of 'home' and maybe normality. I remind him that recovery is out there if he wants it, he knows the doors of AA are never closed to him. It's all I can do.
He is alcohol dependent, can't stop cold turkey or he has seizures.....the detox ward, hospital and overnight stays in jail are now a constant.
Since being put out of the dry recovery house 6 months ago he has been staying in a Bed & Breakfast house with all previous support withdrawn. He has been alone with his disease and it's biting hard.
I hear in his voice he is ill, I 'hear' the change..... I haven't seen him since the week before Xmas last year. He sounds weak, can't eat, can't keep food down. Seems to be incapable of walking very far but his enabling friend keeps the drink coming. He has an appointment with a blood doctor on Friday as they are worried a blood clot may be the cause of the pain in his legs.
Hes 34 and a physical, emotional and spiritual mess.
I want to bring him home feed him up and nurture him, as I would with my daughter or grand daughter if they were sick. I go through days of saying I can cope with the drinking and then reality hits and I remember what it was like before and now it's much worse....why would I do that.
So that's where I am today. I have choices and am praying to this vast universe that the right one comes along.
Tool box is being rummaged hard, haven't found the right one today yet, (apart from MIP which is a constant)...... but will keep trying.
Hugs nees,
What a hard place to be for any mother. Your post takes me back to step one in the moment we are oh so powerless in any given moment.
What a beautiful testament of you working your program as well as the love you have for your son.
I am sending you and your family love and support during this difficult time.
Hugs, p ;)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Dear Ness, I have been in your shoes and, also, know lots of others that have.
I think you see the situation with great clarity. It is hard on a mother--no matter what.
You can't do anything about his addiction except what you are already doing. You are holding the boundries and praying. Not rescuing doesn't mean that you are not a loving mother---it means that you are getting out of his way and allowing him to hit his bottom---it that is going to happen.
Ness, he is still young. He has recuperative powers, yet, that an older person wouldn't. Many young people go through many, many, relapses befor it sticks or before their bottom. (Linbaba helped me with that one).
I think you are right that he likes the sound of "home" right now. That is a positive, I think---it shows that he does have some healthy bonding and emotions inside somewhere. That might be a source of motivation down the line for his bottom/chance for recovery.
The way I see it, right now is when you need all your faith. And all your friends and all the support you can get.
Post here as much as you need to. Others that have been in your shoes will come forward in your time of need.
I really agree with what Otie's response. You are doing all that you can. While I never had a child who was addicted to drugs, I do have a brother in his 50s who has stunted his growth using marijuana. It's heartbreaking to know that I can do nothing for him, except pray.
You're in my prayers. Reciting the Serenity Prayer helps me in times I know I can do nothing.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Ness, you are in my prayers, I know how hard it is for me with my adult grandson and daughter being homeless and I have a nice big house they could and want to share, but I say "no" refusing to let them drag me down into the pits with them. I pray to my HP (Jesus) to remove them from my thoughts, and He does, when I do think of them I ask Him to bless them and let it go. As far as I know they are not sick, physically, I know my daughter has some health issues she has neglected for years, even when she had health insurance. I really don't know what I would do if they became bed ridden with an illness, I pray that I would be given divine guidance if that ever happened. Life can be really hard sometime, I find that if I can keep my focus on that little glimmer of hope that my HP (Jesus) provide for me I can laugh and enjoy my life most of the time. .....With love! Ruby!
Sending you love and support Ness! I have divorced my exAH and my 2 girls are too young to know yet, but A's run rampant on both sides and it's a real fear of mine, I try not to think about. I can't know your pain. It sounds like you have a strong program and for that I am glad, dig deep HP always comes through with the right tool at just the right time!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Dear Ness, you are in my thoughts and prayers and so is your son. I seldom see my son or hear from him. He is living in a tent, but temps are starting to reach the 30's, so I am not sure what he is going to do. He came by the other night at 2am and said he was tired of struggling and wanted to come home, but I let him know he had to be on his own and get his own place. I gave him breakfast, hugs and sent him on his way. I always wish he could see himself and realize the alcohol/pot are his problem, but it never seems to happen. Daily dose of prayer, bible reading and the Serenity Prayer are my saving grace. You are in my prayers and my heart feels for you. Stay as strong as you can. Write anytime.
Sincerely in support Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
