The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I lifted this quote (see below) from YFM's post. It was written by that guy up North -Tom.
Well, as I grew in my recovery, I discovered the truth, and (of course) I couldn't fix anyone else, etc.... The cool thing was - Step 1 changed for me, from being "weak" to one that both empowered me, AND took away a lot of the guilt/shame/burden that I was carrying around..... I mean, if I am "powerless" (which I am), then that means the three C's are true (which they are), which means that I cannot be held accountable/responsible for the plight of my A (which is also true). Wow, what a concept - being "powerless" is also very "freeing"....
Thanks Tom! I printed that so that I can read it as many times as I need to. Just today, the ex came home and was telling me about this Harley he went to check out. He is serious about purchasing it.
Well, I HATE motorcycles! I won't go into why - my explanation would go beyond the scope of this post.
At first, I got upset, expressed once again, I HATE motorcycles .... blah, blah.. I'm sure that is how I sounded to him. I walked off and asked myself "What's up?" That's when I realized that I would somehow feel responsible if he got hurt or killed on a motorcylce. One of our sons, a few years ago, stated to me that he hoped I could talk his dad out of the crazy idea of a Harley (son is a nurse and has seen what motorcylce accidents can do; he also had a good high school friend who was severely wounded on his motorcycle and was not at fault).
So................today after I spewed out my feelings (based all on fear) I realized that that was twisted thinking. IF he does get a motorcycle and IF he does get injured, I'm NOT responsible. repeat to self: I'm NOT responsible.
Also, I thought something I had never thought before: what IF he gets the darn thing and absolutely enjoys the heck out of it. What IF he drives it all over the place and is safe and sound? I also asked myself what IF he tried to get in my way of one of my passions? Never mind that my passions are sensible and safe (LOL). I surely don't want him getting in the way of my pursuits. So.............Ms. Gail, get out of HIS way! Place him and his two-wheeled machine in HP's hands. It's all yours HP
Just had to unload................................... take good care, Gail
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Tuesday 16th of August 2011 05:42:06 PM
-- Edited by canadianguy on Friday 19th of August 2011 10:33:45 AM
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Hugs,
I wanted to say look at that kitty lol what a heart breaker!!
thank you for your share!! sending you hugs and support!! Great job on working your program!!
P ;)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hugs, I wanted to say look at that kitty lol what a heart breaker!! thank you for your share!! sending you hugs and support!! Great job on working your program!! P ;)
Yeah, the kitty is doing so well. He now uses a litter box! It's actually a paint tray liner ''cuz he is still so tiny. He is still bottle fed. He doesn't know how to lap up milk in a jar lid yet. I'm trying to teach him. He is going through nipples on the bottles! He bites the tip off. He has got to learn how to lap up milk and soon! I'm going through too many bottle nipples.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
It reminds me that my issue is not necessarily about his smoking. Well it is and it isn't.
There is another activity of his that I HATE, which is outside of the scope of this forum, and I obsess about that also.
If he stopped smoking tomorrow, would I be happy and relaxed and soulfully joyfull? Would I find something else to obsess about?
What's behind door number 2
I know I would find something else to obsess about.... I already have!!!!
This is about MY issue of control. MY issue of predictablity in life. If you do as I say, then I can KNOW what to expect the outcome to be. I will KNOW what is going to happen every day and I can deal with that thankyou very much.
When my husband was on his 3 1/2 years of not regularly pot smoking... I would ring him before leaving work to see what he was up to... if he said he was on the computer I would say things like.. didn't you see the list of chores to be done on the bench, why aren't you doing them? He was not doing as he was told. In the morning he had said he would come home from work and do some chores. Why did you not stick to the script????
If he said he was going for a shower, and if I got home and he hadn't had a shower yet, I woudl say.. you told me you were going for a shower? Why didn't you? (You didn't stick to the script)
He told me he never wanted to go back to regular pot smoking. He relapsed a few days before our wedding. this is a much sadder occurance but again the principle is... why didn't you stick to the script.
Gail thats just awesome and something I am working on right now too! I think Tom's post to me really did make a lot of sense because thats what I was doing... twisting the first step... I am truly powerless over everyone and everything aren't I?
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Hi, I have found that if you take a heated needle (or any metal) and make the holes really big in the nipple, they don't bite as much.
Good Luck!
Otie
Hi Otie,
Using a "heated" object, such as a needle, is recommended on the package that the bottle came in. But did I follow directions? Need I answer that
When all else fails, follow directions. I'll try it; but first, I have to go to the store for new bottle nipples. It will be nice when he can feed himself. Good thing I'm not working right now. I don't know who would feed the kitty. Thanks!
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Awesome, Awesome, did I mention this post was awesome and I so needed to read this. My exAH has a harley and he told me he is going to take off on it for awhile, even though he is supposed to have our kids for 2 out of those 9 days and he can't afford his mortgage. I worried for his life, he is an A. Than it all hit me, not my problem. He is single and free to go and do whatever he wants and maybe he needs the refresher. I hardly see or hear from him anymore, which is a good thing and well, I feel sanity and balance in my life, Thank you HP. Sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Awesome, Awesome, did I mention this post was awesome and I so needed to read this. My exAH has a harley and he told me he is going to take off on it for awhile, even though he is supposed to have our kids for 2 out of those 9 days and he can't afford his mortgage. I worried for his life, he is an A. Than it all hit me, not my problem. He is single and free to go and do whatever he wants and maybe he needs the refresher. I hardly see or hear from him anymore, which is a good thing and well, I feel sanity and balance in my life, Thank you HP. Sending you love and support!
Hi BF,
Glad it helped. Nice to read that you are feeling better and have more balance in your life Just think of what you are teaching your children by your example Makes me smile that young mothers like you are getting it so much earlier than me. Yippee for YOU & your children.
I am getting so much better and keeping my side of the street the way I want it and leaving his side alone. I find I have some much more energy and peace. Live and let live. Practice, practice.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
