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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> changing behavior
Post Info TOPIC: changing behavior
maresie


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I left the now Ex A almost 5 years ago (next year it will be 5).....

Changing behavior since then has been a long hard road.  I meet people all the time who are dysfunctional/addicts.  How I respond to them has evolved.  I don't necessarily have the red flagarometer because I grew up in addiciton/madness and dysfunction.

What I do have is a "pause" button. I have the ability to reflect rather than rush in. I have the ability to change my mind (not possible when I was involved with the ex A and heavily into over reaction).  I have the ability to brain storm.

I also have the ability to try to control some of my needs rather than feel swamped by them.  Some of the needs are met.  Most of them are not.  I am not coming from a place of an abyss anymore.

That said it isn't a happy ending after all. The financial damage of being in a relationship with an addict who destroyed himself will take decades.  The emotional damage is there too and the trickle down isn't just for me. There was tremendous damage to our pets too...who are still somewhat skittish even after years of security.

My choices are limited on so many levels, financial, emotional, trust wise, medical, dental...there is a long long list of repercussions.  They are still there years later. The good news is there are no new ones added.  I really work on limiting my interactions with addicts (there are still some in various capacities....they can still be an over reaction or two in there! 

I don't live on empty anymore but I'm a long way to getting my needs met comfortably and creatively.  Somehow someway I'll learn how to not just take care of me but thrive rather than be down in the dirt scavenging for ...whatever...

What had to change of course was   me, my attitude, my patterns, my over reactions, my need to take responsibility.  The ex A never will.  I have to..I have to move on and take stock and evolve and become happy rather than resentful and bitter.  I also have to let go of the rage...bit by bit...it can be triggered by interactions with other addicts and rush up and take over in a minute.

 

 

Maresie.

maresie.

 

 



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maresie
Jerry F


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When the student is ready the teacher arrives...and I was at my desk...thank you Miss Maresie; that's a keeper and I will review it again for homework a little later again.

(((((hugs))))) smile



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Lindaoakford


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Thanks

Reading that helped me today.



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Linda - a work in progress
youfoundme


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Thanks Maresie... I have always loved your shares... great stuff

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Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Mattie


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That sounds like wonderful progress.

I've had to struggle with those feelings of "If it weren't for my bad decisions and dysfunction, I'd be so much further ahead (or less behind) by now."  I sure wish I were further ahead.  That said, if I'm not careful, I'm comparing myself to a mythical ideal of a person who lived life perfectly.  When I look around, I don't see anyone who didn't make some pretty serious "mistakes" along the way.  I think in a way we're all in this together -- not just the folks in Al-Anon, but everyone.  It's hard having to struggle because we were dealt a bad hand and didn't know how to deal with it better.  But I also feel that when we're in recovery, we've actually got the lights on and can see where we're going.  And it sounds as if you've got the kind of alertness we all could use!



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Debilyn


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Wow you have really grown BIG TIME! I remember when ya were scared to leave the A as you didn't want to lose your outside plants!

Look at you!!! I am so impressed with such powerful maturity!I wonder if even you realize how strong you are now. I have seen you scrimp and save and think about things and grow. You have struggled and learned!

I swear I invite you to write a book! Hey your animals have YOU. YOU are amazing. You never gave up.

It won't surprise me when someday you say. I have found a better home, and ya tell us all the neat things about it.

I love it when you post. Five years!!!! geez no wonder I feel old. I cannot believe our shared journey has been that long! I really love how you have cont. to hang in and glean the good.

love,debilyn



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Pushka


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Hugs,

Thank you for the share it's so good to look back and know how far you have come. :)

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
canadianguy


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(((((((Maresie)))))))



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

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