The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi there, everyone. I'm Brian, and I'm new to this.
I recently came to the realization (2 Weeks Ago) that despite all pretenses, and regardless of how my professional life is spot-on, my life was out of control.
The Facts: I am codependent.My wife is an alcoholic and may be codependent also.I have been unhappy for years.I had an epiphany two weeks ago, realizing that I cannot change her and I was changed(ing?) for the worse.I left.I admitted I have a problem.Im getting help.I feel better already, and its looking rosy and bright down this road.
So, now that the obligatory background is out of the way, Im going through the steps.I had another epiphany (seem to be plentiful lately), and Im just bursting to share it.Maybe itll help someone else.Maybe itll just help me to express it other than to myself.Either way, here it is:
Realizing and admitting Im powerless over my wife, and everyone and everything else, for that matter, the corollary holds true also:Im ultimately and completely in control of myself:my thoughts, emotions, actions, everything.
I came up with this analogy to describe it:
Trying to control someone else is like running into the ocean to control the tide.Ultimately, its my own fault Im soaking wet.The tide will simply surround me and still come in, and if I go out too far, I may drown.
In my case, I hadnt seen the shore or the surface in a while.Two weeks ago I popped my head up and took my first big lifesaving gulp of air into my aching lungs; I almost drown (figuratively, of course).I can see the shore, and Im remembering how to swim toward it with aching, unused muscles.
The Miracle:As soon as I had the strength to pop my head above the waves and cry for help, lifelines came from every direction.My loving family, whom Id alienated through the course of my unhealthy marriage, are helping pull me to shore.My new friends in my local Al-Anon are swimming right along with me.Everywhere I look theres support and strength (well, except when I glance back at my wife.She appears fairly angry through the drunken sneer but thats her problem now).
The Lesson: If I dont have to make this swim alone, nobody does.
Brian thanks and welcom here :) I like your "voice" and your story is awesome. Glad you came, keep coming and keep sharing here so others will know that it works when we work it :) HUGS
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Brian, love your story. It truly is an analogy that will help many of us when we feel we are being sucked in by the tide or drowning. I am glad you found this place and that you are on your road to realizations. I too went through that but without alanon and this board, I didn't do it well, so I'm having to do it right now. Oh well, better late than never!
