The material presented
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level.
Well, I just had an extremely interesting conversation with my A. I mean it was pretty deep considering where we have been at and how little he likes to share on that level with anyone. Plus he even called me from work and I'm really in awe over that. When he calls it's never to talk deep it's always to see what we're doing that kind of thing. Totally out of character for him to call and say I want to talk .. wow!
I already know I'm not going to make a duck a goose. I'm going to accept this at face value. There are no hidden novels between the lines. There are a lot of things still that need to happen yet, and I only know what my own motivation is in any given situation. Actions not words as the saying goes.
The steps (I'm working on the first 3, when I get a sponsor I will keep on working the others) are working, they are changing how I interact with my loved ones. I love the fact if I mess up I can start again and it's ok. In fact I start new again every single day is a wonderful testament to life. I've said many times recently that my A is not actively drinking however he's not actively seeking a program either. He's watching me. There is no question of that at all, he's looking and seeing that I'm changing and that my priorities have changed (I'm referring to the unhealthy priorities of putting his disease first). That is so big, so very, very big. I'm no longer carrying unnecessary responsibilities. My reactions to those are very different. No more drama, no more carrying on, no more making him into the bad guy. He's really not a bad guy, he happens to be a nice guy who is an addict. I just am starting to be able to see that so much clearer. We'll see what the next few days bring. Monday is the fitting for the lovely Scram bracelet.
Thank you P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka thank you for this share and your words "He's really not a bad guy, he happens to be a nice guy who is an addict." really hit home for me. Yes, I am absolutely and totally in agreement there. Mine is the same way. He is sweet and kind and loving. He happens to have an addiction to some mind altering chemicals and that doesn't make him a bad person, he has a disease. Oooh good luck with the scram bracelet. Maybe this is the "crisis" he needed to begin recovery. HUGS
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
God works in mysterious ways. From your share, I can see you have been supportive of your Ah. And, I am confident that you will reap the rewards one day at a time. Being married to an Ah isn't easy. Yet, you have managed to wheather the storm. I think what happened to day can be regarded as "God's miracle." Your HP is taking care of you in his own way and timing. Thanks for sharing your ESH. Have a blessed day.
We had a really nice evening. My MIL (she's my husbands s mom, love her!) took the kids for the evening. AH came home early from work that's a biggie, .. he is working like a crazy person at the moment. We were able to go and have dinner which we haven't done in forever!! I forget how long it's been since the last dinner just the two of us any time. Oh .. that would be Feb of this last year for our anniversary .. LOL .. oui .. that's to long. We sat and talked about a lot of different things. Stuff we haven't talked about for a long time and even more about the issues at hand. I could tell he got a little tense from time to time, however I was able to let go of the conversation vs I have to prove how right I am. I love the phrase "You could/might be right." it's such a lovely ending to a conversation that is getting to be to much and it is freeing not to have to be right! In my mind I live in a whole world of I'm right .. ha ha. :) I kid, I kid, .. it's no longer something I have to make a point of. We could hit a large bump with the whole issue of the truck .. I want it gone. We need something more practical and this is totally not practical. He did come up with another alternative so he could keep the truck and we could get another car. It's completely doable and I'm willing to try what he's talking about. I will say it's something he wouldn't have dreamed bringing up a year ago and it's not something I would have been willing to listen to either. Soooo .. we've both come a long ways. Again with the duck and goose analogy .. lol. It's a duck, however it's nice not to try and make it a goose. It's a lot less pressure on myself and my AH.
Anyway, I'm being as supportive as I can without being in denial over what's going on. Supportive is good, denial is not ok. He is either going to get help or he's not, what am I going to do keeps running through my mind. At this point I have a little longer to have my own peace of mind and I do think that's an HP thing. He starts driving in Oct 2011 and has to wear the scram until Feb 2012 that's a good thing because that means that I have a little more time to work on myself. Without obsessing over what he is or is not doing because if he screws up it's not going to be a hidden incident (the law will take over). Even he is fully aware of this consequence. I just wish he would find a way to help himself deal with his emotions and learn some other coping skills I think things would be a lot better for him. That's me and my opinion and now I just listen and not say anything.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
