Need help from experienced group members re dealing with disruptive, rageful member - Al-Anon Family Group

lostnortherner · Newbie

Need help from experienced group members re dealing with disruptive, rageful member

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I've been on both ends of this one. Early program I was the beligerant passive agressive guy in the group and that changed as the mostly female fellowship challenged me to change or leave and then told me "keep coming back"...LOL I was one brick short of a load back then and it changed.

On the group side we have used a group conscious to open tell the "other" person to step out of the meeting and not come back until things changed. For me that kind of personality isn't running on program principles and if I hear open threats; verbal and body language and the threatener won't stop and or leave it's a 911 call for the safety of the membership. I've had my life threatened in an Al-Anon meeting and the person left when faced with the possibilities. It's rare thank God however the last word of the of the second step is "Sanity" which signifies that we don't come from wholeness but are trying to move toward it.

((((hugs)))) smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 11th of August 2011 10:22:32 PM

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Jerry and in our literature it states the greatest good for the greatest number , there is also a few paragraphs on disruptive members in the group(check in the service manual ) as a group concience this person can be asked to leave .. touchy situation i know but no one has to live in fear even if it is for an hr a week . Louise

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Would not bother me at all to ask her to step outside. Let her know you understand how people can be very passionate about how they feel. However there is a group consensus that we ask that you find another group.

No arguing,nothing. Just repeat, group consensus is we would like you to find another group.

Then go back in.

IF she has indeed been threatening seriously, harassing, this can be stalking or assault. In this case I would call the police dept. give them a heads up OR ask they come and remover her.

People are really off these days. Must protect ourselves. She is a bully. May be mentally ill. Be careful at all costs. I would lock the door seriously.

Let us know how you are. love,debilyn

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

That sounds frightening to me. Abbal gave some great insight from the service manual, so you have guidelines to follow. Also, I liked the suggestion about simply asking them to leave, then calling the police if you feel physically threatened.

In my group I have experienced a person lecturing to the group in a discussion meeting apart from the group consciousness and they were extremely upset. They spilled their venom, pointed fingers, said they were never coming back. They have kept their word. But I was really shaken up about the event.

It probably would not hurt to call your local Alanon Information Center for additional support. I like to attend other groups in addition to my homegroup and I will say that that behavior is not the norm.

Best of luck to you,

Tommye

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I shadow most of the others from above. It doesn't sound like the person is actively working a program with the actions you describe and I love what Jerry wrote about asking them to change or leave and Keep coming back, haha. Try not to get off track into gossip or anything off program, but I believe if handled correctly this could be a great growing factor for all in the group. Take what you like and leave the rest. Sending you courage and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.