The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want not to judge others. I can trace most of my feeling bad to my initial thought "why do they want to that?". Knowing why wouldn't help me. I can see my serenity vaporize.
I'm asking for the experience of those of you who can bypass that judging step. How do you do it?
I used to think that judging events, people or whatever was not only natural, but necessary. Nowadays, I find myself judging a whole lot less. Moreover, I see judging totally unnecessary. It took me a long while to wrap my head around that.
Reflecting on my many personal blunders, I realize that (most of the time) I was doing the best that I could. I just didn't know better. Also, I recall knowing there were times when I was falsely accused/judged of something. It hurt. So it's easy for me to not pass judgment onto others now, because I know that they are doing the best they can at the time. And I certainly know how it feels to be judged. We all do.
Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. That's my goal.
Take good care, Gail
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
What works for me most days is to remember that *My best thinking got me here* which translates for me into who and hell am I to judge what others do when I think of the mess I made of my own life because of the choices I made prior to finding this program . I may not like what others are doing but like has already been said in another post , if it isnt affecting me directly I let it go , if it is affecting me I have to be responsible for speaking up and saying how I feel then let it go ,not expecting anything will change its just important that I speak up .
I look back on my life in recovery and out of recovery. When I do so as Abbyl said my best thinking got me here. It is a full time job trying to discern how to live my life. I am a full time hot mess. When I keep the focus on what is going on with me in my attidudes, actions, and inner being, I really don't have time to look for what is going on with other people.
Judgementalism however for me is a sign that I am off my program, not focusing on myself. When I find myself there, I go back to step one.
I LOVE that, " does this affect me personally?" question, S. Stanley! Often I compare myself [unfavorably] to others, and sometimes vice versa. Bad habit, and what a waste of time. Asking myself that question is a great trick! Used it already, it works :)
Hi, I enjoy diversity in life, so a lot of my judging is gone when I think that being different is okay. I used to be the fashion police. Now I enjoy seeing differences in fashion. When it is other people's actions that I am judging, I think "well, I wouldn't do that, but it's their life." That way I can emphasize to myself that what I am seeing is "wrong" for me. It is also allowing them to have the freedom to choose for themselves what they want in their lives.
