The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I've written before, I have been split with the father of my child for about a year and a half. He is now seeing someone. And all the sudden I'm feeling sad and wanting to have my family back in tact. I miss him, our friendship and his love.
But I fended him off for a year and a half. I told him it wouldn't work, thinking he'd always be there if I changed my mind.
I think I made a mistake. I know that al-anon does not give advise. And of course it would be inappropriate to say something at this point. He's commited to someone else.
You answered your own question, "And of course it would be inappropriate to say something at this point.". It would cause an awful lot of hurt all the way around to reopen something that a decision was made to end it. You must have had good reasons at the time to believe it wouldn't workout. Believe me the grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, sometimes we just need to water the grass on or own side of the fence than hop over the fence and see what's better.
Just a thought, however hugs,
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I think someone at my meeting last night said.... "more shall be revealed..." everything happens for a reason, and I am sure some day that reason will be revealed to you... if you kept a journal of that time when you asked him to leave, maybe you can read it to refresh your memory about why you asked him to leave. I know I forget how bad it was...is...if I don't write it down and read it later... HUGS! Keep coming!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I think we always have that "Wait, was it really that bad?" response when we see them with someone else. All of a sudden we want them back. But remember that you must have had very good reasons to end it back then. And you didn't get back together with him for a year and a half, also for very good reasons. The only thing that has changed is that some other poor woman has agreed to undergo the difficulties you did (but she doesn't know the problems or the realities yet). That doesn't change anything about who he is or what you need or what his limitations are.
I have had this problem so much that I've taken to writing out all the bad things about the relationship in a long list. Then I look at it again at those times I am swallowed up by longing and regret. Ouch! What makes me think things will be different? In my case, sometimes I've gone back to the person umpteen times, each time thinking that things would finally be different. But they never were different. I had glamorized it in my memory. The truth was, it ended for a reason. A good reason.
I hope you can take good care of you and remember that you made the decisions you did with a lot of knowledge. Hugs.
I think thats quite a commone reaction when a former loved one finds a new person before we do. Like the others have said before me. Everything has happened for a reason.
You must remind yourself why it ended. Think of all the reasons it ended. I think sometimes as time passes we forget about the negative things and we just remember the positive stuff. Take some time and remember it ALL!
