The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha Annie...I've heard that in both rooms Al-Anon and AA and in face was one of the people who use to say it. It is a great question to follow up with especially with a great sponsor and steps 4 - 9. Another question that is good to do the same with is "What am I"? I did that one first. Welcome to MIP. ((((hugs))))
My AH has said it. But he is an active drinker. He knows he has a problem and says he doesn't know who he is. I suppose in your situation it is what Linda said..the alcohol has been part of their life, so now that the person is sober, they feel a sense of loss.
Oh yes, I like others have had that me too moment with my loved one. Perhaps that is why they rely on the ease and comfort of a drink to help recapture their sense of self. Just a theory, take it or leave it.
I agree, I view my A's drinking as coping skills when things get to be to much. So when it's not there what now As confused as I am sober with who am I, dealing with the addiction I really can't imagine someone having a good sense of self and being an addict or a recovering addict. That would be part of the healing I would garner a guess.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Excellent question for both the alcoholic and the one who enabled him/her for so many years. I too ask that question as I come up for air after enabling my A-son for so long. Lost my real self for so long, need to recapture and learn all over again. This is one of the ways the disease effects those around it. I am in 1st grade again and looking at it positively.
Thanks for the post
In-support Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
I find I am asking myself this question now. My AH has been sober for a year, and I have been in Al-Anon for about that long. Looking back, I feel that the first year was just learning to put one foot in front of the other again in sobriety (for him) and recovery (for me). It was, at first, crisis mode, then slowly just hard work mode, and then most recently I have this feeling of where are we? Who am I?
I just read a book called The Shame That Binds You (can't recall the author) that talks about shame in the sense of feeling inadequate or unworthy due to our upbringing. The author raises the issue of "finding your authentic self." I lost that authentic self through a dysfunctional upbringing and then an alcoholic marriage where I was the caretaker, helper, fixer and (probably) enabler. Now that I have begun to shed those roles, I am left wondering who is that "authentic self"? It is a deep and troubling question. I am both nervous about and I am looking forward to getting to know that authentic self through Al Anon, recovery work and simple self-love and self-awareness.
